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Archive for the category “Confidence coach”

Giant Leaps From Little Steps


I have been known to say “knowing doesn’t make a difference” when talking about what to do when making changes in my life.  For example, I would say “I want to lose weight”, I know there are a billizion ways to lose weight and I’m not using any of them!  Every day someone is sharing their weight loss method that worked for them and if I used it I would lose weight too!  Yes, I believe this is true and knowing doesn’t make a difference!  I could lose the weight (I don’t have any medical reason why I can’t) and I choose not too.  Why? Because there is something else at play here that lives deep within my sub-conscious that stops me and I am on a quest to find it. Anytime I feel blocked or held back in my life the culprit is a limiting belief I hold in my sub-conscious mind.

Look familiar?

When you consider that we have more than 20,000 thoughts coursing through our brains every minute and that we are unaware of most of them, it’s possible there are thoughts/beliefs among them that are mucking up our lives.  As I read the “The Biology of Belief” by Dr Bruce Lipton I am more aware of these beliefs and how they influence my actions and inactions.

Knowing THIS does make a difference!

I now have the piece of life’s puzzle that I was missing!  Now I have what I need to change the list of beliefs I have been listening to most of my life, rewriting them in a way that empowers me.  Is it possible to change the words in my belief statements and create a new believable belief statement?  Could it be this simple?  The answer is YES and it’s highly effective when you combine the knowledge shared by Dr Lipton and the PSYCH-K process created by Rob Williams.

Here is a list of limiting beliefs I identified for myself in a previous post.  I will use them to show the transformational process I have gone through to eliminate these from my thoughts completely.  I mean completely!  I look at these statements and I no longer have any feelings about them, you have to understand, these words would cause tears to well up in my eyes just reading them and now, nothing at all!  I don’t believe them anymore and all it took is putting each one through the PSYCH-K process!  I was able to completely transform this list within an hour using the technique of identifying, rewriting, balancing and muscle testing to confirm the results.  Here’s the step by step process I went through:

  1. Identify limiting belief as I believe it to be
  2. Reword the belief into a positive statement using the following criteria (provided by Rob Williams) state in first person (I), use present tense (now, not later), use positive language, keep it short and emotionally meaningful to you
  3. Muscle test the statement, balance and lock it in place (there is a whole technique within here that is best done with someone who has taken the course or take the course yourself if you want to do on your own)

It sounds simple, doesn’t it?  It was and it wasn’t without its challenging parts.  I was challenged to reword these belief statements using the criteria.  I found myself using words like I wish, I want, will, none of which are present tense.  I also found my statements were too long and when I read them, they sounded good but I wasn’t really connected to them.  This was the longest part of the process for me and I believe it will get easier the more I practice.  For those of you reading this and may have these particular beliefs yourself, here are the words I used to rewrite them into empowering beliefs for myself.  Feel free to use them if they resonate with you too.

  • Original belief: I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • New belief: I feel love and support from others like a warm blanket on a cold day
  • Original belief: I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • New belief: Every step I take changes my view of life
  • Original belief: I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • New belief: I recognize happy moments in my life every day, both big and small
  • Old belief: I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there
  • New belief: I am exactly where I need to be and anywhere I want to go is reachable from here

When I read these words a smile has replaced the tears and the peacefulness I feel inside confirms the transformation for me.

It takes little steps to transform your limiting beliefs and the promise of giant leaps is real. Yes, it is that simple and it can be for you too.

What limiting beliefs hold you back in your life?

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When Strength is a Weakness


When does strength become a weakness?  When you are seen by others as a strong person and you are feeling weak.  How is this possible?  If you’d ask me that question a couple of years ago I would have said there’s no reason to be in that position.  With all the knowledge and tools available for us to use, this shouldn’t be.  Man, was I wrong!  I have to rewind the movie here to help you understand what I’m talking about.

Back to 2015 things look quite different to me.  Imagine a woman standing on the top of a mountain, hair flowing in the wind, hands on her hips, standing in a warrior’s stance (feet firmly planted on the ground).  This is the image in my mind when I think of a strong woman.  No matter where she is the look on her face shows strong determination with a softness that speaks volumes of the love and kindness that she emanates.  She is the perfect blend of fierce and focus, kindness and caring, overflowing with the abundance of love for all.  She represents strong women of today in every cell of her being.  As seen by others and by herself, a woman of the world with no worries, concerns or troubles she can’t handle with ease and grace.  Authentically and sincerely, not a facade but real way of being. 

She is me

Back then my world was exactly that!  Everything seemed to come effortlessly to me, challenges were met with enthusiasm, the unknown embraced by curiosity and abundance of love and compassion for others overflowing with abandonment.  I could do anything I set my mind too and nothing was impossible in my world!

I loved being me!  It took a lot of listening, learning and practice to become the woman I saw myself to be, the woman others told me I was.  They used words like strong, dynamic, a force to reckon with, determined, stoic, a rock, compassionate, caring, loving, focussed, these are the words other people used to describe me.  So what happened and where is this woman today?

Fast forward to today, 2017, this woman sits in a pool of tears, daily, an empty shell of the woman she used to be.  A woman who thought she had the answers to help others transform their worlds, sits alone wondering how did she get here?  Wondering who is there for her at her moment of need?  The answer is no-one because they don’t know she needs their help.  She is suffering alone because she is hiding her true self from others.  In her mind there are many reasons why she can’t ask for help, none of them are realistic and all of them are real to her.  If she does ask for help she risks exposure for the fraud she feels she is.  If she does ask for help she risks the loss of respect by others, because in her mind that’s exactly what would happen.  What if she does ask for help and no-one comes to her aid?  The last one is the most real for her based on her experience from the past.  She has been let down so many times in her life.  She is afraid to ask for fear of being let down, yet again.  Her answer is to drive everyone away and try to fix things on her own.  She is a strong woman after all, she should be able to fix this, right?

Here is exactly where strength becomes a weakness! She is spiraling out of control with her emotions, tears flowing each time she is left alone with her thoughts and the dreaded fear of being stuck here forever and all within the confines of her own personal hell.  What makes it worse is she knows how to change her reality of the moment, lord knows she has preached it enough to others, so why does she keep herself stuck in this place?  The answer lies in her sub-conscious mind and she hasn’t unlocked it. Yet.

Today my world feels exactly like this! This is just crazy to me, how devastated I feel right now, how hopeless I feel right now, how alone I feel. Right now!  The struggle I feel, between what I am doing (not doing) and what I know to do to climb out of this place.  I have been here many times before, with all that I have learned over the years, why I am I here again?  Why am I still working through the same scenarios in my life? What do I have to do to change the outcome once and for all???

Where to begin???

I believe that I can change my reality and up until now, I didn’t know how.  Two things had to happen – 1. I had to wake up and 2. I had to take back my power of self-management.  This is the journey I am on right now and sharing with you as I go.

Where to Begin

The beginning for me starts with acknowledgment and acceptance.  What am I feeling right now?  I accept that, right at this moment, I feel alone and lost in my own head, frustrated and angry that I’m here, desperate and scared that it will never change.  I accept these feelings as real for me right now and I am okay.  Like the sun behind a cloud, the strong woman is still within me just hidden from my view at the moment. It’s important to begin here because it’s the goto thought that I will need throughout this process, particularly when things feel the darkest.  Immediately I hear cliches firing in my brain!

There is a silver lining in every cloud

There’s light at the end of the tunnel

It’s always darkest before the dawn

You can do it!

The past doesn’t equal the future

Where there’s a will there’s a way

You know what I mean, I’m sure you have a list of your own.  Humour me and write them down as you hear them and see how many show up for you.

Who do I reach out to?  When I’m listening to reason, I know I have at least one friend who, if I were to ask, would be there for me.  I do know this in my heart and despite my fear of rejection I will trust my heart on this one.  Maybe I need professional help?  I know that it’s out there, a comforting thought. Regardless whether or not I choose this option, there is nothing wrong with taking it as needed! Often there can be a stigma attached to “needing help” that may stop us from finding the support we seek. As part of the bigger picture, it is valuable to add professional support to bring continuity and success to the plan.  What’s the plan?  For me, it’s to bring the powerful woman that I am, back to the forefront and keep her there so she can assist others who want to regain their power too.

Identifying My Limiting Thoughts

Recently, I have been introduced to the understanding that our beliefs are the source of pain in our lives.  I just finished reading “The Biology of Beliefs” by Dr. Bruce Lipton, among other things, he talks about the impact of limiting beliefs, at a cellular level, on our bodies.  The results of his research are widely becoming accepted as real and challenging what we know about genetics, health, and evolution.   He goes on to describe the mechanics of our cells and how our thoughts influence them.  He opened up the world of Epigenetics to me and I find it intriguing! I’m thinking it’s part of this process of figuring out where to begin!  What are my limiting beliefs and how do I identify them?

To start with it’s asking the question, “what do I believe?”  and keep asking the question until no more answers appear.  Like them or not, accept what comes up to acknowledge their existence.

My limiting beliefs:

  • I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • I believe that they won’t understand no matter how I explain it to them
  • I believe that people don’t want to hear my problems they have enough of their own to deal with
  • I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • I believe that I’m not as good as I think I am
  • I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there

Looking at this list I can say these limiting beliefs have been with me most of my life and they rear their ugly heads periodically throughout my existence on Earth.  “I’m not worthy” used to be on that list but I can honestly say I have successfully struck that one from the list, unlike many people who still struggle with that one in particular.  The point of this exercise is to find the limiting beliefs that create havoc on my body and life and use the tools I have acquired to blow them out of my system! One of those tools I’m exploring is muscle testing.  It would fall into the category of “woo woo” if it wasn’t so damn accurate!  The practice of PSYCH-K created by Rob Williams (for those who know me, no, I’m not referring to my ex-husband LOL) was introduced to me via my friend Miss D and Dr. Bruce Lipton.  My friend used a muscle testing technique on me for other limiting beliefs I was dealing with including “I’m not worthy”. It wasn’t until Dr. Lipton explained how it relates to my cells that I got the connection.

Now that I have identified these limiting beliefs it’s time to rewrite them into beliefs that work for me not against me.  The process of doing this includes using the PSYCH-K  system for each and every belief statement.

Permission to Take Time… again!


I originally wrote this piece back in 2014, updated it again in 2015 and re-read it recently only to find that I’m not following my own advice here!  I am hearing myself say “I don’t have time for (you name it I’ve said it).  My first reaction was to start chastising myself for not practicing what I preach and then it occurred to me that perhaps there was a better way to bring this back into my daily awareness!  When I look back I can see there were times I put this into practice and what my process was to do that.  Looking closer at that process I started to see the steps I took to shift my way of being and get back on track with what’s important to me.

What is important to me?

To live my life everyday with joy, to love my friends and family unconditionally and to work with passion and purpose making a difference for others.  

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I can see that I am not always in alignment with these words and I need a reset moment to get me back on track!  A reset moment?  What does that look like?  It’s a moment where I take a time out, step back to have a better overall view of where I am right now, review my priorities, make changes as needed and get back into the game with an action plan in hand!   This is not a one-time only exercise and realizing this fact has made it possible for me to get back on track faster and stay longer.

What would you change in your life if you had a transformational reset moment when you felt off track?  Perhaps some of these examples are areas for reset in your life:

reconnect  with people in your life you have lost touch with

refocus your attention at work or home to bring back the pleasure in those areas

reset your goals in life because the path you are on isn’t working for you

rejuvenate your appreciation for who you are in the world (this may also be a new awareness for you)
restart your passion for living, just like when you were a child, remember those days?
re-activate your love for your job, if you didn’t have this in the beginning then a reset is mandatory!
rediscover the pleasures of life because life is meant to be enjoyed and lived fully!
I am now in the process of creating the process of a reset moment and my goal is to have something tangible that I can share with others who find themselves in the same place.  If you feel that you are not on track with what’s important to you and you want the opportunity to reset, you will want to stay connected with me in this conversation.  Use the comment space below or subscribe to my blog to stay in this conversation.
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Here is the original post I wrote back in 2014, I would love to hear your comments about this or anything in this post that resonates with you.

It sounds funny to ask for permission to take time and that’s exactly what you must do when you are creating moments in your life.  We have all said, at some point in our lives, “I can’t afford to take the time” and “I should be doing something else, not wasting time doing this”.   We often do not give ourselves permission to be in the moment doing things that we like to do and it is impossible to be in the moment without it. 

I started this conversation talking about creating time and being in the moment.  This post is part of that conversation because giving yourself permission to use your newly created time is a key element along with being in the moment and commitment to clarity. Giving yourself permission takes awareness and practice AND, so I have discovered, it is quite rewarding when you do.  What kind of rewards can you expect?  It varies, from tangible rewards like lovely gifts and intangible rewards like kind and thoughtful words shared by others.

Often we use one of many excuses as to why we don’t have time.

“I have too many things to do right now, I’ll do it later”

“If I stop now I’ll never catch up”

“I’ll have plenty of time to do (stuff) when I’m older (retired)”

Which one have do you use?  We typically make the mistake thinking our time is not our own when actually, it is.  Yes, we have our commitments, responsibilities, expectations and it’s up to us make time for these and what we want in life.   I know, I know, easier said than done, I agree and I still say it’s possible when you make a commitment to yourself to follow through with what ever it takes to make it happen.  It starts with…

Giving yourself permission to take the time AND believing that it is possible.

From this point on every step forward is a good one whether it’s a giant leap or a baby step.  The question is “what would you be doing right now if you had the time?”  Pick something and make  commitment to yourself to do it.  If you can’t do it right now, pick a day and time within the next 7 days to just do it!  Make it happen!  I would love to hear how it went for you and what your experience was if you are game to share.

tomorrow today yesterday

It’s your time, take it!

Lisa

 

 

 

Time to Take Out the Trash


Look familiar?

photo credit to abundancetapestry.com

Trash talk happens.  When it does, do you listen or put it in it’s place?

Are you aware of your “trash talk?”  Not sure?  I can tell you it comes from that little voice in your head that just said “what is she talking about? and I don’t hear voices in my head!”  Yes, that little voice.  If you have spent anytime listening to that voice chances are you have hear a lot of trash talk.  You are not alone in this experience and it’s an epidemic in our society.  It is safe to say the source of our insecurities, lack of confidence and diminished view of self-worth is fuelled by trash talk and it’s time to take out the trash for good!

There is an imaginary muscle in our thoughts that, when exercised, can toss the trash when you use it, of course, and like any muscle regular exercise is needed.  Staying toned is vital to keeping the trash at a manageable level and in check at all times.  Two things that are important to understand, 1. you will never rid yourself of trash talk completely and 2. you CAN keep it at a minimum so it’s not running your life.

When it comes to any new exercise regime it’s vital to take note of where you are right now and to have a goal in mind that you are reaching for.  What happens between those two points requires consistent practice through focus, commitment and disciplined determination.  I have a quote that I use as a tagline in my emails that says:

“discipline is simply choosing between what I want right now and what I want most”

I read it every time I send an email as a reminder of what I want most in my life.  What quote are you using to remind yourself of what’s important to you?  If you don’t have one, find one that resonates with you and use it!

Now that you are aware of your trash talk, what kind of things are you hearing?  Do you catch yourself agreeing with your little voice?  Are you as horrible as your little voice says?  What we say to ourselves is horrendous and what’s really amazing is we would never allow others to say these things to us so why do we allow ourselves?  Think about it?  If someone told you that you were a loser, you will never amount to anything in your life, you are not good enough or pretty enough or you certainly don’t deserve to be happy.  You would likely give them a full fisted sandwich in the kisser!  So why do we listen to the little voice?

There was a time in our history, billions of years ago that little voice came in handy, it was the voice of reason when human beings roamed the earth in search of food and shelter.  It was every man (woman) for themselves and definitely animal eat animal world out there.  Wait a minute!  It sounds like nothing has changed in a billion years!!!  Our little voice is a vital part of our survival in this world and unfortunately it doesn’t know when to shut up and keep it’s opinions to itself. Kidding aside that little voice has saved your life at some point and for that you can be grateful.  The downside of having our little voice in our heads is when it goes into negative mode and constantly bombards you with thoughts that are hurtful and damaging and this is where you need to take charge.

Most people think that life happens to them, what they don’t realize is that we are capable of creating our lives.  Not only capable but responsible!  What is so magical at this point is when we take responsibility for the creation of our lives we also gain the power to create life anyway that we want.

What do you want?

Do you have any idea of what you truly want in your life?  Most of us say “yes” but stop and think about the question and most of you will be completely blank.  I know because I have gone through this exercise myself and I go through it with my clients. I still haven’t met anyone who could clearly answer the question.  Why not?  Well, it all comes back to that pesky little voice and the trash it’s been sharing with us over the years.  Nasty!

The bottom line is manage the little voice, have it work for you rather than against you and you can have what ever your little heart desires.

Yes, you can have it all

Time is of the Essence


No Time!

No Time!

Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t have time?”  Of course you have and I expect it’s something you have said yourself many times throughout your life, most of us have.  “I don’t have time!  Is this really true?  Is it possible to change time, create time or make time?

I had the pleasure of spending time with a lovely group of women the other night and one conversation in particular stood out for me.  One of the younger women was sharing that she didn’t have time to do the things she wanted to do and I could see she was quite stressed about it.  Listening to her share make me think about the whole concept of time and how our lives are so wrapped up in it.

Someone once said to me that “time doesn’t exist anywhere else but in our minds and only humans use time as a measure”.  I laughed and replied, “what do you mean time doesn’t exist?  Of course it does and it’s finite!”  There are 24 hours in a day, 8 hours in a work day (for some) and an hour has a maximum of 60 minutes!  I am most aware of time when I have more things to do than the time to do them.  You know what I mean?  So you can’t tell me that time doesn’t exist!!!

Funny though, when I started thinking about it and allowed this concept to linger on my mind I noticed a shift in my perception of time.  I noticed that, on occasion, time appeared to stop and at times felt like it slowed down, almost like a rubber band, it seemed like it stretched at opportune and inopportune times.  How was this possible? I wanted to know more.

I set aside my biased opinion about time and allowed myself to consider that time really didn’t exist outside of my mind.  I imagined my day without using the concept of time and an amazing thing happened.  Time disappeared.  Literally, it disappeared and I was amazed at how much I was able to accomplish that day.  Not only did I get a lot done, I was able to truly enjoy all that I did and I marvelled how I felt when I was done.  Reflecting back on the day I could see how, by removing the concept of time, my day was full and fulfilling at the same time without stress and anxiety.  As a result of this experiment I have become a believer that time is a concept and that we do have the ability to exist without it any time we wish.   I have adopted the thought that “I am the creator of my time and I am not longer controlled by time itself.”  Could you imagine what this would look like on a daily basis?

Utter chaos I would suspect.  Time was created for the purpose of controlling people.  Think about it.  Who would show up, on time, for work?  For appointments?  For play dates and coffee?  Imagine if time hadn’t been created, how would we manage to function?  Quite differently I would venture and without the mountain of issues we have today.  Go back to a time when time wasn’t measure as it is today, back to prehistoric times when time was measure differently.

I’m not an expert on prehistoric times and I understand is that period of time was measure by seasons and daylight.  Cavemen and women got up with the light, went to sleep when it was dark, planted crops when the ground thawed and harvested before the ground froze again. I imagine life was much harder and much simpler without all the modern conveniences we enjoy today and I bet they didn’t sit around the fire exclaiming that they “didn’t have time”, nor were they stressed about all the things that they had to do.  They were too busy doing rather than talking about it.  I understand that their thoughts and thought processes were quite simple compared to the modern man and woman of today.  Back then I expect their thoughts consisted of “eat or be eaten, find shelter and keep warm”. The simplicity of their time, I would suspect, allowed time to move much slower than the pace we experience today.

Fast forward to today.  It wouldn’t be realistic to think we can live without time all the time and I believe we can alter our perception of time when we know how and when it suits our needs.  The secret is in the knowing and I will share what I know so you too can make time for the things you want in your life.

There are a few key elements required to successfully alter time one of which is being fully present in the moment.  Although challenging being present in the moment is a learned skills that requires ongoing practice to master.  The good news is once learned this skill will enhance other areas of your life as well.  What do I mean by “being present in the moment?”

Simply put it means to be fully focused or aware of everything around you in any given moment without conscious thought about anything else from the past or in the future.  Take a moment to be aware of your surrounding right now as you read this and note everything that you have not either noticed or paid attention to because you were thinking about what you did yesterday/last week or what you need to do later/tomorrow etc.  

Take a moment to really acknowledge your present surroundings including visual objects, sounds, smells, how your body feels and the thoughts in your head.  A simple exercise of thanking each item you acknowledge as you become aware of them is a great way to keep your focus in the moment rather than wandering back to past or present thoughts.  If you find your thoughts wandering (as they do in all of us) gently direct them back to the exercise at hand.  What I do when I find my thoughts wandering is to say (silently) “thank you for sharing and right now I am being present in the moment”.  Sometimes I have to repeat this many times to get back to the exercise and that’s okay, it normal and part of the process of learning and strengthening this skill.

At this very moment, as I do this exercise myself, this is what I am experiencing.  I can hear the ticking of a clock and I am grateful for the consistent sound of each tick.  I can hear a consistent hum or vibration, I believe coming from within me, that I wasn’t aware of before and I am grateful for the opportunity to hear it.  In the distance I can hear the occasional vehicle passing nearby on the highway, airplane flying and I am grateful for the times that I live in that allow for this type of transportation.  Visually I am surrounded by the warmth of wood in the cabin where I am sitting and I’m grateful for all this cabin has to offer me including warmth, protection from the elements, security and comfort.  I am aware of the things within my sight including a soft light, comfortable couches and modern furniture I am grateful to have in my life.  I am present to the colours of things in my space, I have surrounded myself with earth tones of greens/browns/black/red/orange and natural tones.  I am grateful for the soothing feelings I have when I’m in this space.  In this moment I am thinking of nothing else but what I have just described and for a brief moment the rest of the world did not exist.  While in this exercise I was not aware of time at all or anything else outside of what I just shared.  Interestingly enough while focussing on everything around me I didn’t hear the sound of typing on my computer, so technically, I left one sound out of being in the moment.  🙂

I encourage you to practice this skill as often as you can to help you build your muscles.  Literally, take a minute or 10 to fit this exercise into your day and begin to create the time you need to do the things you want.  I promise you will feel timeless joy from this exercise.  Being in the moment is one element of managing time, the other elements are: clear intentions (knowing what you want), permission (giving yourself permission to experience) and discipline to name a few.  I will talk about each of these in future posts and show you how you can create time to have what you want in your life.

PTBS logo 500 pixalsTo live your life as you choose and to have the time to enjoy it is my wish for you.  If you have an experience you would like to share or you would like to hear more, please feel free to contact me using the contact form below.  I personally respond to all requests.

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