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biology of beliefs Confidence coach Dr Bruce Lipton epigenetics Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self help self image self-discovery strong women transformation women's issues

When Strength is a Weakness


When does strength become a weakness?  When you are seen by others as a strong person and you are feeling weak.  How is this possible?  If you’d ask me that question a couple of years ago I would have said there’s no reason to be in that position.  With all the knowledge and tools available for us to use, this shouldn’t be.  Man, was I wrong!  I have to rewind the movie here to help you understand what I’m talking about.

Back to 2015 things look quite different to me.  Imagine a woman standing on the top of a mountain, hair flowing in the wind, hands on her hips, standing in a warrior’s stance (feet firmly planted on the ground).  This is the image in my mind when I think of a strong woman.  No matter where she is the look on her face shows strong determination with a softness that speaks volumes of the love and kindness that she emanates.  She is the perfect blend of fierce and focus, kindness and caring, overflowing with the abundance of love for all.  She represents strong women of today in every cell of her being.  As seen by others and by herself, a woman of the world with no worries, concerns or troubles she can’t handle with ease and grace.  Authentically and sincerely, not a facade but real way of being. 

She is me

Back then my world was exactly that!  Everything seemed to come effortlessly to me, challenges were met with enthusiasm, the unknown embraced by curiosity and abundance of love and compassion for others overflowing with abandonment.  I could do anything I set my mind too and nothing was impossible in my world!

I loved being me!  It took a lot of listening, learning and practice to become the woman I saw myself to be, the woman others told me I was.  They used words like strong, dynamic, a force to reckon with, determined, stoic, a rock, compassionate, caring, loving, focussed, these are the words other people used to describe me.  So what happened and where is this woman today?

Fast forward to today, 2017, this woman sits in a pool of tears, daily, an empty shell of the woman she used to be.  A woman who thought she had the answers to help others transform their worlds, sits alone wondering how did she get here?  Wondering who is there for her at her moment of need?  The answer is no-one because they don’t know she needs their help.  She is suffering alone because she is hiding her true self from others.  In her mind there are many reasons why she can’t ask for help, none of them are realistic and all of them are real to her.  If she does ask for help she risks exposure for the fraud she feels she is.  If she does ask for help she risks the loss of respect by others, because in her mind that’s exactly what would happen.  What if she does ask for help and no-one comes to her aid?  The last one is the most real for her based on her experience from the past.  She has been let down so many times in her life.  She is afraid to ask for fear of being let down, yet again.  Her answer is to drive everyone away and try to fix things on her own.  She is a strong woman after all, she should be able to fix this, right?

Here is exactly where strength becomes a weakness! She is spiraling out of control with her emotions, tears flowing each time she is left alone with her thoughts and the dreaded fear of being stuck here forever and all within the confines of her own personal hell.  What makes it worse is she knows how to change her reality of the moment, lord knows she has preached it enough to others, so why does she keep herself stuck in this place?  The answer lies in her sub-conscious mind and she hasn’t unlocked it. Yet.

Today my world feels exactly like this! This is just crazy to me, how devastated I feel right now, how hopeless I feel right now, how alone I feel. Right now!  The struggle I feel, between what I am doing (not doing) and what I know to do to climb out of this place.  I have been here many times before, with all that I have learned over the years, why I am I here again?  Why am I still working through the same scenarios in my life? What do I have to do to change the outcome once and for all???

Where to begin???

I believe that I can change my reality and up until now, I didn’t know how.  Two things had to happen – 1. I had to wake up and 2. I had to take back my power of self-management.  This is the journey I am on right now and sharing with you as I go.

Where to Begin

The beginning for me starts with acknowledgment and acceptance.  What am I feeling right now?  I accept that, right at this moment, I feel alone and lost in my own head, frustrated and angry that I’m here, desperate and scared that it will never change.  I accept these feelings as real for me right now and I am okay.  Like the sun behind a cloud, the strong woman is still within me just hidden from my view at the moment. It’s important to begin here because it’s the goto thought that I will need throughout this process, particularly when things feel the darkest.  Immediately I hear cliches firing in my brain!

There is a silver lining in every cloud

There’s light at the end of the tunnel

It’s always darkest before the dawn

You can do it!

The past doesn’t equal the future

Where there’s a will there’s a way

You know what I mean, I’m sure you have a list of your own.  Humour me and write them down as you hear them and see how many show up for you.

Who do I reach out to?  When I’m listening to reason, I know I have at least one friend who, if I were to ask, would be there for me.  I do know this in my heart and despite my fear of rejection I will trust my heart on this one.  Maybe I need professional help?  I know that it’s out there, a comforting thought. Regardless whether or not I choose this option, there is nothing wrong with taking it as needed! Often there can be a stigma attached to “needing help” that may stop us from finding the support we seek. As part of the bigger picture, it is valuable to add professional support to bring continuity and success to the plan.  What’s the plan?  For me, it’s to bring the powerful woman that I am, back to the forefront and keep her there so she can assist others who want to regain their power too.

Identifying My Limiting Thoughts

Recently, I have been introduced to the understanding that our beliefs are the source of pain in our lives.  I just finished reading “The Biology of Beliefs” by Dr. Bruce Lipton, among other things, he talks about the impact of limiting beliefs, at a cellular level, on our bodies.  The results of his research are widely becoming accepted as real and challenging what we know about genetics, health, and evolution.   He goes on to describe the mechanics of our cells and how our thoughts influence them.  He opened up the world of Epigenetics to me and I find it intriguing! I’m thinking it’s part of this process of figuring out where to begin!  What are my limiting beliefs and how do I identify them?

To start with it’s asking the question, “what do I believe?”  and keep asking the question until no more answers appear.  Like them or not, accept what comes up to acknowledge their existence.

My limiting beliefs:

  • I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • I believe that they won’t understand no matter how I explain it to them
  • I believe that people don’t want to hear my problems they have enough of their own to deal with
  • I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • I believe that I’m not as good as I think I am
  • I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there

Looking at this list I can say these limiting beliefs have been with me most of my life and they rear their ugly heads periodically throughout my existence on Earth.  “I’m not worthy” used to be on that list but I can honestly say I have successfully struck that one from the list, unlike many people who still struggle with that one in particular.  The point of this exercise is to find the limiting beliefs that create havoc on my body and life and use the tools I have acquired to blow them out of my system! One of those tools I’m exploring is muscle testing.  It would fall into the category of “woo woo” if it wasn’t so damn accurate!  The practice of PSYCH-K created by Rob Williams (for those who know me, no, I’m not referring to my ex-husband LOL) was introduced to me via my friend Miss D and Dr. Bruce Lipton.  My friend used a muscle testing technique on me for other limiting beliefs I was dealing with including “I’m not worthy”. It wasn’t until Dr. Lipton explained how it relates to my cells that I got the connection.

Now that I have identified these limiting beliefs it’s time to rewrite them into beliefs that work for me not against me.  The process of doing this includes using the PSYCH-K  system for each and every belief statement.

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The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There are the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts, and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here, and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine, or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgment, without emotion, and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s only their perspective.  Your ‘way of being’ attracts “types” of people into your life, these people are the mirror of your way of being, do you like what you see?  If you don’t then it’s time to have a closer look at who you are in the world.

Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not suggesting that you look to others to define who you are and how you should be, I am suggesting that you pay attention to how others respond/react to you for clues when you are frustrated or unhappy in your life.  If you would like coaching to explore this topic for yourself, feel free to contact me for options.