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Oh my goodness, it is true…!


It is true! After many years of feeling “broken” and looking for ways to “fix” my life, I have finally found a piece of the puzzle that was missing for me in my quest to “fix” what I thought was wrong.  It turns out there is nothing wrong, nothing to fix and I’m not broken. I just need to adjust my perspective on life.

My studies regarding perspective or limiting beliefs (Biology of Beliefs written by Dr Bruce Lipton goes into great detail on this subject) has given me a new understanding of my habitual ways of being and how to change those habits that no longer work for me.  The exploration of the limiting beliefs that had me going through life repeating scenarios (have you ever said: “Damn it, I have been here before!” a reoccurring statement for me) is very revealing and enlightening at the same time.  The following is my understanding of where my beliefs were formed and the reformation of those beliefs from limiting to empowering using a technique called Psych-K.

Being Invisible

Limiting Belief #1 – “I am invisible” (a derivative of I’m not worthy)

Empowering Belief #1 – “I am seen for who I am today”

It hasn’t always been this way, looking back on my life I realize I had no idea that I was invisible. I was (still am) an outgoing adult, I am very social, an active volunteer in my community, someone others come to share their challenges in life.  People see me as a mother, wife, an entrepreneurial woman in the community but mostly, people have trouble recalling my name or they called me by some other name.  I wouldn’t correct them because I didn’t want to embarrass them and really it wasn’t a big deal, or so I thought at the time.  I recently became aware of how most things in my life are “no big deal” and I’m now realizing how that way of being, throughout life, was a significant indication of my invisibleness.

I was five years old when I became invisible, my story is not unlike many children of my age and I suspect there are many people wandering through their lives unaware that they are invisible just like I had.  What happened was my parent separated and the one person who saw me, my dad, left our family.  At the tender age of five I had been abandoned, my world, as I knew it, collapsed and I became invisible in my family.  No-one knew and the worst part is, because I wasn’t aware, I was to spend the next 50 years of my life living as an invisible person.

How could this happen and what was my evidence to support this thought?  First of all, let me clarify that I had not been abandoned as a child in the way we see abandonment.  Yes, my parents separated and for a very short time, I did see my dad on occasion.  I lived with my mother and five brothers until the age of seven when my mother remarried and introduced me to three more brothers and one sister.  My mother loved me and my stepfather did all that he could to provide for what we needed.  I had all my basic needs covered including a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my stomach.  I wasn’t a deprived child but I was a lonely child and I was a lost child in the group.  You can imagine how difficult it would have been to stand out in a family of 12.  Imagine how difficult it would have been to be the parents of 10 kids?  When you live life day to day in survival mode you can imagine that love and nurture were not part of our daily routine.  I don’t tell you this to gain your sympathy, I share this to give you insight into how I lived my life as an invisible child. being invisible

Don’t get me wrong I love my family and I know my family loves me because to this day I know if I was in need they would be there for me in a heartbeat.  What was missing in my life was the day to day show of affection and unconditional love that we all want in our lives and the result of what was missing in my life was more evidence of me being invisible.

 

I had plenty of evidence as a teenager but then, that is the time in our lives that I think most of us want to disappear.  Being invisible as a teenager worked for me.  As a teenager, I floated through life relatively unnoticed and without too many life-altering moments, in fact, I would say my teenage years were fairly uneventful and boring.  When I became a wife and mother I had many responsibilities and very little time to think about anything other than everyone else’s needs.  Like most Mothers, my time was not my own but consumed with daily tasks that made time pass very quickly.  Being invisible as a young mother was hard and welcomed at the same time.  It wasn’t until I wanted to follow my dreams, find my passion and purpose in life did this become a problem for me.  Every time I thought I found what I was looking for ‘something’ kept holding me back and I would go through many years of disappointment and frustration because I just couldn’t figure out what that ‘something’ was!

By using the Psych-K techniques I am reforming the beliefs I have habitually lived with all these years, quickly and effectively and creating the life I want now.

Lisa Johnston-Williams

Lisa Johnston has been experiencing life and exploring ways of being that gives new meaning to “Living life powerfully every day with passion and pleasure”. Her services are non-medical in nature and now include Psych-K techniques for life-changing results.

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biology of beliefs Confidence coach Dr Bruce Lipton epigenetics Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self help self image self-discovery strong women transformation women's issues

When Strength is a Weakness


When does strength become a weakness?  When you are seen by others as a strong person and you are feeling weak.  How is this possible?  If you’d ask me that question a couple of years ago I would have said there’s no reason to be in that position.  With all the knowledge and tools available for us to use, this shouldn’t be.  Man, was I wrong!  I have to rewind the movie here to help you understand what I’m talking about.

Back to 2015 things look quite different to me.  Imagine a woman standing on the top of a mountain, hair flowing in the wind, hands on her hips, standing in a warrior’s stance (feet firmly planted on the ground).  This is the image in my mind when I think of a strong woman.  No matter where she is the look on her face shows strong determination with a softness that speaks volumes of the love and kindness that she emanates.  She is the perfect blend of fierce and focus, kindness and caring, overflowing with the abundance of love for all.  She represents strong women of today in every cell of her being.  As seen by others and by herself, a woman of the world with no worries, concerns or troubles she can’t handle with ease and grace.  Authentically and sincerely, not a facade but real way of being. 

She is me

Back then my world was exactly that!  Everything seemed to come effortlessly to me, challenges were met with enthusiasm, the unknown embraced by curiosity and abundance of love and compassion for others overflowing with abandonment.  I could do anything I set my mind too and nothing was impossible in my world!

I loved being me!  It took a lot of listening, learning and practice to become the woman I saw myself to be, the woman others told me I was.  They used words like strong, dynamic, a force to reckon with, determined, stoic, a rock, compassionate, caring, loving, focussed, these are the words other people used to describe me.  So what happened and where is this woman today?

Fast forward to today, 2017, this woman sits in a pool of tears, daily, an empty shell of the woman she used to be.  A woman who thought she had the answers to help others transform their worlds, sits alone wondering how did she get here?  Wondering who is there for her at her moment of need?  The answer is no-one because they don’t know she needs their help.  She is suffering alone because she is hiding her true self from others.  In her mind there are many reasons why she can’t ask for help, none of them are realistic and all of them are real to her.  If she does ask for help she risks exposure for the fraud she feels she is.  If she does ask for help she risks the loss of respect by others, because in her mind that’s exactly what would happen.  What if she does ask for help and no-one comes to her aid?  The last one is the most real for her based on her experience from the past.  She has been let down so many times in her life.  She is afraid to ask for fear of being let down, yet again.  Her answer is to drive everyone away and try to fix things on her own.  She is a strong woman after all, she should be able to fix this, right?

Here is exactly where strength becomes a weakness! She is spiraling out of control with her emotions, tears flowing each time she is left alone with her thoughts and the dreaded fear of being stuck here forever and all within the confines of her own personal hell.  What makes it worse is she knows how to change her reality of the moment, lord knows she has preached it enough to others, so why does she keep herself stuck in this place?  The answer lies in her sub-conscious mind and she hasn’t unlocked it. Yet.

Today my world feels exactly like this! This is just crazy to me, how devastated I feel right now, how hopeless I feel right now, how alone I feel. Right now!  The struggle I feel, between what I am doing (not doing) and what I know to do to climb out of this place.  I have been here many times before, with all that I have learned over the years, why I am I here again?  Why am I still working through the same scenarios in my life? What do I have to do to change the outcome once and for all???

Where to begin???

I believe that I can change my reality and up until now, I didn’t know how.  Two things had to happen – 1. I had to wake up and 2. I had to take back my power of self-management.  This is the journey I am on right now and sharing with you as I go.

Where to Begin

The beginning for me starts with acknowledgment and acceptance.  What am I feeling right now?  I accept that, right at this moment, I feel alone and lost in my own head, frustrated and angry that I’m here, desperate and scared that it will never change.  I accept these feelings as real for me right now and I am okay.  Like the sun behind a cloud, the strong woman is still within me just hidden from my view at the moment. It’s important to begin here because it’s the goto thought that I will need throughout this process, particularly when things feel the darkest.  Immediately I hear cliches firing in my brain!

There is a silver lining in every cloud

There’s light at the end of the tunnel

It’s always darkest before the dawn

You can do it!

The past doesn’t equal the future

Where there’s a will there’s a way

You know what I mean, I’m sure you have a list of your own.  Humour me and write them down as you hear them and see how many show up for you.

Who do I reach out to?  When I’m listening to reason, I know I have at least one friend who, if I were to ask, would be there for me.  I do know this in my heart and despite my fear of rejection I will trust my heart on this one.  Maybe I need professional help?  I know that it’s out there, a comforting thought. Regardless whether or not I choose this option, there is nothing wrong with taking it as needed! Often there can be a stigma attached to “needing help” that may stop us from finding the support we seek. As part of the bigger picture, it is valuable to add professional support to bring continuity and success to the plan.  What’s the plan?  For me, it’s to bring the powerful woman that I am, back to the forefront and keep her there so she can assist others who want to regain their power too.

Identifying My Limiting Thoughts

Recently, I have been introduced to the understanding that our beliefs are the source of pain in our lives.  I just finished reading “The Biology of Beliefs” by Dr. Bruce Lipton, among other things, he talks about the impact of limiting beliefs, at a cellular level, on our bodies.  The results of his research are widely becoming accepted as real and challenging what we know about genetics, health, and evolution.   He goes on to describe the mechanics of our cells and how our thoughts influence them.  He opened up the world of Epigenetics to me and I find it intriguing! I’m thinking it’s part of this process of figuring out where to begin!  What are my limiting beliefs and how do I identify them?

To start with it’s asking the question, “what do I believe?”  and keep asking the question until no more answers appear.  Like them or not, accept what comes up to acknowledge their existence.

My limiting beliefs:

  • I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • I believe that they won’t understand no matter how I explain it to them
  • I believe that people don’t want to hear my problems they have enough of their own to deal with
  • I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • I believe that I’m not as good as I think I am
  • I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there

Looking at this list I can say these limiting beliefs have been with me most of my life and they rear their ugly heads periodically throughout my existence on Earth.  “I’m not worthy” used to be on that list but I can honestly say I have successfully struck that one from the list, unlike many people who still struggle with that one in particular.  The point of this exercise is to find the limiting beliefs that create havoc on my body and life and use the tools I have acquired to blow them out of my system! One of those tools I’m exploring is muscle testing.  It would fall into the category of “woo woo” if it wasn’t so damn accurate!  The practice of PSYCH-K created by Rob Williams (for those who know me, no, I’m not referring to my ex-husband LOL) was introduced to me via my friend Miss D and Dr. Bruce Lipton.  My friend used a muscle testing technique on me for other limiting beliefs I was dealing with including “I’m not worthy”. It wasn’t until Dr. Lipton explained how it relates to my cells that I got the connection.

Now that I have identified these limiting beliefs it’s time to rewrite them into beliefs that work for me not against me.  The process of doing this includes using the PSYCH-K  system for each and every belief statement.

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BC business biology of beliefs Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self help self image self-discovery strong women Sunshine Coast BC transformation women's issues

The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There are the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts, and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here, and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine, or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgment, without emotion, and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s only their perspective.  Your ‘way of being’ attracts “types” of people into your life, these people are the mirror of your way of being, do you like what you see?  If you don’t then it’s time to have a closer look at who you are in the world.

Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not suggesting that you look to others to define who you are and how you should be, I am suggesting that you pay attention to how others respond/react to you for clues when you are frustrated or unhappy in your life.  If you would like coaching to explore this topic for yourself, feel free to contact me for options.

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BC business Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self-discovery Sunshine Coast BC transformation

2015 in review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 20 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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BC business Confidence coach Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self-discovery Sunshine Coast BC transformation

What is Step 3?


iStock_000005289966XSmall

Continuing on with the conversation If you were free ~ what would you choose?  here is what works for me and is the next  step in my process of choosing what I want in my life. Step 3 is about discovering who I am, finding clarity in who I choose to be and identifying the words that resonate powerfully with me.  If you haven’t seen steps 1&2 I recommend that you read them first so step 3 will make sense to you.

            Step one                        Step two

 Who am I REALLY?  One thing that was quite clear to me before I worked on this piece, I thought I knew who I was and then I discovered that I had no clue!  I discovered that the people in my world saw me  differently than I saw myself.  I discovered that those people in my life saw me differently from each other as well.  When asked they used words like: a bold and courageous woman, a loving mother, a woman with confidence,  trustworthy, a leader, fun, happy, giving, caring, loving and generous.  No-one used words like sad, lost, unreliable, afraid, not good enough, unhappy, a fraud, lousy mother, terrible friend, and selfish.  The latter were words I used to describe myself so you could imagine my surprise when the people in my world said differently.  How could this be?  First of all I have to admit I did see some of the qualities others saw in me but I didn’t believe them and those words didn’t fit with the ones I identified with so I dismissed them as real.

So when did this all shift for me?  Well it was in 2012, I was sitting in a weekend seminar with 185 strangers listening to the guy at the front of the room.  We were deep into the question “who am I?”  I was getting quite frustrated with the question, we had been asking it for two days and it appeared I was no closer to the answer than when we started two days earlier!  I listened to others in the room grappling with the question just like me and it was apparent that none of us knew who we were.  Then something happened on the third day that I will never forget.  The guy at the front of the room was talking about words and that without words we didn’t exist.  Really?  He went on to say that without language nothing in our world would exist.  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Then he did something that finally made sense to me.  He held up his index finger, pointing it towards the ceiling, I looked up and saw nothing. He asked people in the room to describe what they saw and there were answers like: a hand, finger pointing, the number one, this way up and he said, now describe what you see without using words.  The room was silent.  I got two things out of this exercise. 1. without words we can not describe what we see and 2. every person who offered a description were correct and they all saw something different in the same thing.  This was  the answer to how we can see things differently in each other and why different people see things differently.  It was also the opening I needed to answer the question who am I.  So who am I?  I am my word.

I am my word and I can be any word I choose to be  who am I?

How powerful is that???  I stood up and asked, the guy at the front of the room, “do you mean to say that I can be any word I choose to be?”  The answer was ~ YES!  In that moment I had the most incredible moving experience I have ever felt, it was like my whole world spun on it’s axis and opened up to a brand new world of possibilities.  I could be any word I wanted to be!  Once this settled into my brain it created a whole new way of being that to this day still effective and powerful when I choose it to be.  One of my favourite exercises is to start my day with the sentence “I am the possibility of ______. I fill in the blank with words like “being a bold leader”,  “generosity”, and my favourite, “being a magnet for yes”.  It’s incredible how often I hear the word “yes” when I use that one.  The point is words are very powerful and our world doesn’t exist without them so my advice to you is choose your words wisely and make them work for you not against you.

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

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ciao for now, 

lisa

 

 

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BC business Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts Sunshine Coast BC

Why Do It?


Wow!  Recently I have been delving into the world of online dating to better understand this way of connecting and my eyes have been opened to a curious phenomenon.  People (it seems to be balanced between men and women) appear to post false information about themselves and use old pictures in their profiles.  WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?

What do they hope to gain with this approach?  Do they hope that people will look past the dishonesty once they meet in person?  Apparently it’s not happening that way at all.  According to the responses I have received the number one turn off for both men and women is misrepresentation and the effect of the experience affects their future connections.

According to the men and women who shared their experiences with me the experience of that dishonesty coloured their view of online dating and made it difficult to see the real beauty of the person they met.   The areas of misrepresentation that top the list are: age, education, true wants and most importantly, current image of the person in the profile.   If you are looking to find that special someone and create a love connection using the online dating services honesty from the start is a must in these areas.

I have read many profiles and the ones that stand out for me are clear, concise, captivating and brief.  When I say brief I don’t mean a couple of sentences or arm’s length.  Interesting enough the profiles that get read are the ones that use point form outlining what the person has to offer and what they are looking for.  Sounds like applying for a job?  I think the principles are similar and the approach can be as well.

I recommend starting with accurate bio info and current pictures to start you search off on the best possible foot.  The right person is going to connect with you because of who you truly are and will accept you for who you are not.  All you have to do is trust they will and do the same for them.

If you are interested in having me view your profile or work with you in creating your profile please feel free to contact me through this post.  I will respond to all legitimate inquiries and comments.

Lisa Johnston-Williams
Personal Lifestyle Coach services are provided by LD Williams. Times/dates/fees are arranged as per client’s needs and agreed upon before coaching services begin. LD Williams has been providing advice and coaching services for over 20 yrs to men and women across North America. Her services are non-medical in nature and based on her personal life experiences.