Tag Archives: choices

The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There are the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts, and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here, and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine, or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgment, without emotion, and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s only their perspective.  Your ‘way of being’ attracts “types” of people into your life, these people are the mirror of your way of being, do you like what you see?  If you don’t then it’s time to have a closer look at who you are in the world.

Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not suggesting that you look to others to define who you are and how you should be, I am suggesting that you pay attention to how others respond/react to you for clues when you are frustrated or unhappy in your life.  If you would like coaching to explore this topic for yourself, feel free to contact me for options.

What is Step 3?


iStock_000005289966XSmall

Continuing on with the conversation If you were free ~ what would you choose?  here is what works for me and is the next  step in my process of choosing what I want in my life. Step 3 is about discovering who I am, finding clarity in who I choose to be and identifying the words that resonate powerfully with me.  If you haven’t seen steps 1&2 I recommend that you read them first so step 3 will make sense to you.

            Step one                        Step two

 Who am I REALLY?  One thing that was quite clear to me before I worked on this piece, I thought I knew who I was and then I discovered that I had no clue!  I discovered that the people in my world saw me  differently than I saw myself.  I discovered that those people in my life saw me differently from each other as well.  When asked they used words like: a bold and courageous woman, a loving mother, a woman with confidence,  trustworthy, a leader, fun, happy, giving, caring, loving and generous.  No-one used words like sad, lost, unreliable, afraid, not good enough, unhappy, a fraud, lousy mother, terrible friend, and selfish.  The latter were words I used to describe myself so you could imagine my surprise when the people in my world said differently.  How could this be?  First of all I have to admit I did see some of the qualities others saw in me but I didn’t believe them and those words didn’t fit with the ones I identified with so I dismissed them as real.

So when did this all shift for me?  Well it was in 2012, I was sitting in a weekend seminar with 185 strangers listening to the guy at the front of the room.  We were deep into the question “who am I?”  I was getting quite frustrated with the question, we had been asking it for two days and it appeared I was no closer to the answer than when we started two days earlier!  I listened to others in the room grappling with the question just like me and it was apparent that none of us knew who we were.  Then something happened on the third day that I will never forget.  The guy at the front of the room was talking about words and that without words we didn’t exist.  Really?  He went on to say that without language nothing in our world would exist.  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Then he did something that finally made sense to me.  He held up his index finger, pointing it towards the ceiling, I looked up and saw nothing. He asked people in the room to describe what they saw and there were answers like: a hand, finger pointing, the number one, this way up and he said, now describe what you see without using words.  The room was silent.  I got two things out of this exercise. 1. without words we can not describe what we see and 2. every person who offered a description were correct and they all saw something different in the same thing.  This was  the answer to how we can see things differently in each other and why different people see things differently.  It was also the opening I needed to answer the question who am I.  So who am I?  I am my word.

I am my word and I can be any word I choose to be  who am I?

How powerful is that???  I stood up and asked, the guy at the front of the room, “do you mean to say that I can be any word I choose to be?”  The answer was ~ YES!  In that moment I had the most incredible moving experience I have ever felt, it was like my whole world spun on it’s axis and opened up to a brand new world of possibilities.  I could be any word I wanted to be!  Once this settled into my brain it created a whole new way of being that to this day still effective and powerful when I choose it to be.  One of my favourite exercises is to start my day with the sentence “I am the possibility of ______. I fill in the blank with words like “being a bold leader”,  “generosity”, and my favourite, “being a magnet for yes”.  It’s incredible how often I hear the word “yes” when I use that one.  The point is words are very powerful and our world doesn’t exist without them so my advice to you is choose your words wisely and make them work for you not against you.

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

PTBS logo 500 pixals

ciao for now, 

lisa