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Confidence coach Dating Scene life journey Life-living Strategies self help transformation

Online Adventures Exposed!


3 red hearts on line

Have you tried finding love online using one of the hundreds of online dating sites?  It’s the way of the future some say and it’s not without its challenges.  Recently I have been experimenting with some of the more popular sites and I have discovered a few of those challenges.  I went on to contact people randomly through a variety of sites asking them five questions relating to their experiences with online dating and here are the results I discovered through my experience and the experience of others.

The top 5 no-nos of creating a profile on online dating sites:

1. Outdated pictures – DO NOT USE THEM!  Did I say that loud enough?  I am shocked at how many people create profiles using old images or no images at all.  I get that you may not have a current picture of yourself and that’s no excuse for not creating one to use on your profile.  Take a quick snapshot if you are in a hurry to put yourself online or ask your friends to take them for you but do not put yourself online without one!  Every online dating site will tell you to post a pic because it will increase your chances of being seen and they are right.  I can tell you that I viewed hundreds of profiles and personally I skip over the ones without a pic.  I can’t help but wonder did I miss Mr. Right because he didn’t post a pic?  It’s definitely possible!

A female response: “I look at photos first – that helps me to filter out the definite “nos”. Sometimes my decisions are based purely on looks, but for others, it may simply be a difference in style (which often also reflects a difference in lifestyle). For example, if someone dresses like a biker than it would be a “no” simply because that style (and the “motorcycle” lifestyle that often goes with it) does not appeal to me. I also look to see if the person looks relatively clean (proper hygiene), pleasant and happy in their photos. I also look at the background details in the pics – messy room? rundown home? Dark depressing basement apartment? These details can provide valuable clues as to a person’s lifestyle.  Then I read the profiles to look for more clues about lifestyle and use that to again filter out the definite “nos”. For example, if someone is really focused on working out, running marathons, etc, I know that we probably would not be a “match.”

A male response: “Similar interested and fitness levels, Physical attraction and HAS to have a picture or two that show face and body.”

2. Lie about the important stuff –  DON’T DO IT!  Did I say that loud enough?  I can’t stress this enough, things like your age, education, or what you want are all things that will be discovered when you go to meet someone.  If not in your first meeting definitely at some point in your relationship and the discovery of your lies will come back to hurt you.  I don’t understand why people can’t be straight about these types of things.  What are you afraid of?  Are you so embarrassed or ashamed of yourself that you can’t be straight and upfront about who you really are?  I truly believe there is someone for everyone in this world and you run the risk of missing your special someone by being dishonest with this information.  The most common response I received from others around this is once they experienced this type of dishonesty they questioned what else is the person lying about?  This is not how you want your relationship to begin, trust me, it’s really hard to build trust and honesty from this start.

A female response: “I’m one of the few women I know who wants to meet someone for a coffee date or walk and talk right away. I used eHarmony about 5 years ago. The process of getting to know someone is a long one and I thought I would find men who were more interested in relationships than just dating. I was on the site for 9 months and at that time I did meet numerous men. None of them were at all like I expected from their profile and online conversations. I think some of them became very confident online but lacked it in person. The witty comments and clever remarks were only present in online conversations. Only one man actually looked like his photos. Every single man I met lied about his height. None of these things would be deal breakers for me, but the misrepresentation is. It was frustrating and I felt like it was a total waste of time”.

A male response: “I’ve met a lot of nice people but I am starting to think people are more or less scared to work through issues or things when the Internet is so ready for a new candidate. Funny how date sites make it easier to meet a lot of people but seem to take away from the skills we need to make it work”.

3. Tell them how it is – I read many profiles and see so many people telling me that they are fun, loving, caring, etc. on and on and on.  Who says that you are those things?  You?  I know you just want people to see your good stuff and you only have a few minutes to capture a reader’s attention but I can tell you that using these descriptions of yourself does not add value to your profile.  In fact, they detract because everyone says these things and no-one believes them to be true!  I can’t say no-one but I can say many people and me included.  I read that stuff and my thought  is “I’ll be the judge of that!”  How you are is not for you to say it’s for others to discover about you and adding these comments to your profile takes up valuable space that you could be using to attract your true love.  You want to connect with him/her?  Spend more time talking about the things you like to do or how you feel when you are with someone special.  That’s what people are attracted to!  This is not related to any of the questions I asked people but I add it to the list of no-nos because I can see how over-used these descriptions are and in many conversations I had we all agreed.  They add nothing to the profile!  DON’T DO IT!  Did I say that loud enough?

4. Don’t take it personally – when someone says to you “you are not for me or not my type” or reject you based on your profile, DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!  Did I say that loud enough?  It’s not about you at all and it’s definitely not an excuse for you to verbally berate the person who rejected you.  I asked the question “do you respond to all invitations?” the responses were universal.  “Not anymore”.  Many people told me that they started out responding to all invites but after a few angry responses they quickly stopped.  I can relate, I experienced this myself and I completely understand why people would stop.   People hear things, say things, and do things that have nothing to do with you and something in your pics or profile reminded them of something they didn’t like.  That’s it, IT”S NEVER ABOUT YOU!  The sooner you understand that the sooner you can get past the rejection and get on with finding someone who gets to be with you.

A female response: “I used to respond to gently say thanks but no thanks (usually pointing out a difference in lifestyle in a lighthearted way) but some men took that as an invitation to continue the conversation, so now I rarely respond, unless the person seems really nice and I do it out of politeness. The site has a “thanks, but no thanks button” which is great.”

A male response: “I no longer respond to all invites. Some people can be quite rude about your need and wants.”

5. Don’t give up – if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.  There is hope in that statement and encouragement if you listen to the words.  Online dating may be an easy way to find a mate but the system can let you down when it comes to your first meeting in person if you commit any or all of these no-nos.   You improve your chances of finding true love is you use current images of yourself, keep you statistical information correct (i.e. age, height, education, weight), talk more about what you like to do and how you feel when you are with someone special, always be respectful of people’s choices and remember it’s not about you and finally never give up looking for that person who makes your heart sing.

Let me share one last story with you.  My dear friend Pop (that’s what we all called him) was 97 when he passed away.  At the age of 95, he married his third wife and spent his remaining years being happily married.  The only reason he had been married three times was that his first two wives passed before him.  He taught me that one is never too old to fall in love again and you never stop looking for love as long as you are alive.  Thank you Pop for this beautiful message.

If you find yourself challenged with using online dating sites or you are not getting the results you want, send me your contact information for a free evaluation of your profile.  I will share with you what I see and help you refine your search for your true love.

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Confidence coach Dating Scene Inspiring thoughts life journey Life-living Strategies self help self image strong women transformation

Did They Say “Not Ever?”


PTBS logo 500 pixalsAsking a man or a woman out on a date can be incredibly nerve-racking don’t you think?  In the old days, you would see him/her across a crowded room and after a stiff drink you would walk over to him/her and say hello and the rest, they say, is history.  Today, many people are using an online dating service to meet potential partners and although it’s easier to say hello, I believe it’s much harder to get her to say yes to a date!  I know because I have been experimenting with online dating services to see what it’s like from a woman’s perspective.  I can sum my experience up in one word.  YIKES!

In my experience, I was inundated with winks, smiles, inquiries, hellos, and a few “howyadoin’s” and that was within the first half-hour of signing up!  From there it just got more interesting, the invites were coming from every age group, both genders, and some very interesting prospects.   I felt like I just landed in a bees nest and the swarm was on me! What amazed me was the response they gave me when I politely said “no thank you”, the rejection, even a thoughtful one, was more than they could handle and I could see why. It was through this experience that I truly understood what was happening for them and my inspiration for writing this blog.

Regarding my online dating experience, my first impression of the profiles I saw was, I was not interested in going out on a date with many of these people!  Between the pics they posted and profiles they wrote, I was left feeling less than willing to find out how wonderful they were. It did leave me wondering if I would have given the profiler more attention if they chose different words and pics? Both are so important when you have less than 15 sec to make an impression!

We are being judged by our profiles!

If your profile looks or sounds unappealing your profile will be passed over. Your viewer is not going to look any further to find out more about you.  You are online, using a dating service, to find connections, create relationships, and getting it right is not as hard as you think. Your words and pics can make a difference and will influence what happens next with your online dating experience.

I am a firm believer in finding love and connection is possible online! I believe there is someone for everyone in the world and portraying yourself authentically and with clarity will reach the heart of the person you’d like to connect with.

People appear to have this false sense of confidence when using online dating services and their confidence takes a serious beating when someone rejects their invitation.  Rejection is exactly how it feels to someone who has low self-esteem or struggles with confidence.  I know because there was a day I stood in their shoes.  There was a time in my life where my low self-esteem and lack of confidence controlled my life and stopped me from having things in my life I wished for.  I can relate to how these people felt when I said “no” to them.  It’s because of this that I am able to work with people building their self-esteem and confidence and what allows me to make a difference in their lives.   I changed my level of confidence and self-esteem through coaching and self-discovery and now I’m ready to help others do the same.

What does it take?  The answer to this question is unique for all of us and comes from within.  With some gentle guidance, I can help you discover yours.  I am here to help you discover your answers, create a clear message based on your values, and portray yourself authentically through your online profile.  When you get this right you will connect that special person and say “Yes, I’d love to meet you!”

Finding Love in All the Right Places!
Personal Confidence Coach services provided by Lisa Johnston. Lisa has been providing guidance and support services for over 20 yrs to men and women across North America. Her services are non-medical in nature and based on personal life experience only.

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biology of beliefs Confidence coach Dr Bruce Lipton Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey Life-living Strategies self help self image self-discovery strong women transformation

Giant Leaps From Little Steps


I have been known to say “knowing doesn’t make a difference” when talking about what to do when making changes in my life.  For example, I would say “I want to lose weight”, I know there are countless ways to lose weight and I’m not using any of them!  It feels like every day that someone is sharing their weight loss method that worked for them and if I used it I would lose weight too!  Yes, I believe this is true and knowing doesn’t make a difference!

I could lose weight (I don’t have any medical reasons why I can’t) and I choose not too.  Why? Because there is something else at play here that lives deep within my sub-conscious that stops me and until I find it nothing will work. Anytime I feel blocked or held back in my life the culprit is a limiting belief I hold in my sub-conscious mind.

When you consider that we have thousands of thoughts coursing through our brains every minute and the challenging part is we are unaware of most of them. Is it possible that there are limiting beliefs among those thoughts that are mucking up our lives?  As I read the “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton I have learned more about the existence of these beliefs and how they influence my actions and inactions.

Knowing this DOES make a difference!

Eureka, I have found a piece of life’s puzzle that was missing!  Now I have what I need to change the list of beliefs I have been listening to most of my life, rewriting them in a way that empowers me.  Is it possible to change the words in my belief statements and create new believable belief statements?  Could it be this simple?  The answer is YES and it’s highly effective when you go through the steps I am sharing here.

It starts with identifying the hidden belief statements by looking at your feelings and actions in a specific situation.  For example, when I looked at my current financial situation I focussed on how I felt about it, how I viewed money, how I saw other people with money, how I handled money, etc.  What emerged were very loud, very negative thoughts and feelings I had about money. Up till now, I wasn’t aware of most of those thoughts and feelings and for the few, I was aware of, I didn’t see them as controlling my life!  This was a total eye-opener for me!

What is so cool is, I use this process in all areas of my life where I have felt stuck, stopped, and out of ways to change.

Here is the step by step process I went through:

  1. I identified the limiting belief as I believed it to be (the negative statement I heard in my mind)
  2. I reworded the old belief statement into a positive one using the following criteria: state in the first person (I), use present tense (now, not future), using positive language and keeping it short and finally, make it emotionally meaningful to me (resonating)
  3. I effectively use these statements in meditation, emotional freedom technique and written form to remind myself that they are my truth.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it?  I can assure you it wasn’t and each time I go through this process I can honestly say it is so worth the discomfort of converting old into new! When I was writing my original belief statements I was taken back as the words I wrote would cause tears to well up in my eyes. The feelings were so raw and right there! I was literally writing and crying at the same time and struggling through the process. I had a flashback of specific moments in my life that were painful and confirmed why I believed these statements.  I have to say I learn a few valuable lessons while going through this experience 1. the pain of living with these statements far outweighed the pain I was feeling at the moment and 2. I didn’t die going through this exercise.

I was challenged to reword these belief statements using the criteria.  I found myself using words like I wish, I want, I will, none of which are present tense.  I also found my statements were too long and when I read them, they sounded good but I wasn’t really connected to them.  What’s really amazing to me is the completeness of all the work I went through in this process. Now, I can look at these statements and I no longer have any feelings about them.  I have come back to this post on many occasions to test the process and when I read these statements it’s like they didn’t mean anything to me.  I am so grateful for the tools I have learned and as new limiting beliefs expose themselves to me I put myself through this exercise with them too.

Here is a list of limiting beliefs I identified for myself, as you read this you may find yourself resonating with these particular beliefs too.  Feel free to use them if you do.

  • Original belief: I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • New belief: I feel love and support from others like a warm blanket on a cold day
  • Original belief: I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • New belief: Every step I take changes my view of life
  • Original belief: I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • New belief: I recognize happy moments in my life every day, both big and small
  • Old belief: I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there
  • New belief: I am exactly where I need to be and anywhere I want to go is reachable from here

When I read these words a smile has replaced the tears and the peacefulness I feel inside confirms the transformation for me. It takes little steps to transform your limiting beliefs and the promise of giant leaps is real. Yes, it does work and it can work for you too when you are ready. If you need help formulating your statements, feel free to contact me for help.

What limiting beliefs hold you back in your life?

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Confidence coach Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey Life-living Strategies self help self-discovery strong women transformation

Time to Take Out the Trash


Look familiar?
photo credit to abundancetapestry.com

Trash talk happens.  When it does, do you listen or put it in its place?

Are you aware of your “trash talk?”  Not sure?  I can tell you it comes from that little voice in your head that just said “what is she talking about? and I don’t hear voices in my head!”  Yes, that little voice.  If you have spent any time listening to that voice chances are you have heard a lot of trash talk.  You are not alone in this experience and it’s an epidemic in our society.  It is safe to say the source of our insecurities, lack of confidence and diminished view of self-worth is fuelled by trash talk and it’s time to take out the trash for good!

There is an imaginary muscle in our thoughts that, when exercised, can toss the trash when you use it, of course, and like any muscle regular exercise is needed.  Staying toned is vital to keeping the trash at a manageable level and in check at all times.  Two things that are important to understand, 1. you will never rid yourself of trash talk completely and 2. you CAN keep it at a minimum so it’s not running your life.

When it comes to any new exercise regime it’s vital to take note of where you are right now and to have a goal in mind that you are reaching for.  What happens between those two points requires consistent practice through focus, commitment, and disciplined determination.  I have a quote that I use as a tagline in my emails that says:

“discipline is simply choosing between what I want right now and what I want most”

I read it every time I send an email as a reminder of what I want most in my life.  What quote are you using to remind yourself of what’s important to you?  Find a quote that resonates with you and use it!

Now that you are aware of your trash talk, what kind of things are you hearing?  Do you catch yourself agreeing with your little voice?  Are you as horrible as your little voice says?  What we say to ourselves is horrendous and what’s really amazing is we would never allow others to say these things to us so why do we allow ourselves?  Think about it?  If someone told you that you were a loser, you will never amount to anything in your life, you are not good enough or pretty enough or you certainly don’t deserve to be happy.  You would likely give them a full fisted sandwich in the kisser!  So why do we listen to the little voice?

There was a time in our history, billions of years ago that little voice came in handy, it was the voice of reason when human beings roamed the earth in search of food and shelter.  It was every man (woman) for themselves and definitely, an animal eats animal world out there.  Wait a minute!  It sounds like nothing has changed in a billion years!!!  Our little voice is a vital part of our survival in this world and unfortunately, it doesn’t know when to shut up and keep its opinions to itself. Kidding aside that little voice has saved your life at some point and for that, you can be grateful.  The downside of having our little voice in our heads is when it goes into a negative mode and constantly bombards you with thoughts that are hurtful and damaging under the disguise of trying to keep you safe. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always pick the right things to keep you safe from and this is where you need to take charge.

Most people think that life happens to them, what they don’t realize is that we are capable of creating our lives.  Not only capable but responsible!  What is so magical at this point is when we take responsibility for the creation of our lives we also gain the power to create life any way that we want.

What do you want?

Do you have any idea of what you truly want in your life?  Most of us say “yes” but stop and think about the question and most of you will be completely blank.  I know because I have gone through this exercise myself and I go through it with my clients. I still haven’t met anyone who could clearly answer the question.  Why not?  Well, it all comes back to that pesky little voice and the trash it’s been sharing with us over the years.  Nasty!

The bottom line is, manage the little voice, have it work for you rather than against you and you can have whatever your little heart desires.

Yes, you can have it all

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BC business Confidence coach Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts Sunshine Coast BC

Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose!


“A great maturity opens in the human psyche when we accept that we can control

our impulses by conditioning our thoughts, and that we alone are responsible

for our emotions and reactions in life.”

Brendon Burchard ~ The Motivation Manifesto


Accepting Responsibility

 A light bulb moment happened for me in early 2013 when I came to the realization that I was 100% responsible for how my life.  Past. Present and Future  Wow!  The impact of that thought sent me into a dizzy spin as I recollected years of upset, suffering, heartaches, and disappointments I had experienced.

Accepting responsibility for my way of being during those times of chaos and upset was not an easy task and at the same time was very enlightening for me.  In fact, I would say truly liberating as well!  I realized that being responsible for my way of being also meant that I was in a position to choose how I wanted to experience life from that moment on.

I had the pleasure of getting this realization through a funny exercise called “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose.  I observed the course leader (I was in a self-discovery course) working with a volunteer from the crowd on the subject of choosing vs. decision and it went something like this:

Course Leader: “I want you to choose an ice cream flavor, either vanilla or chocolate and tell me why you chose it”.

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because it’s my favorite flavor”.

Course Leader:  “Got it, and that was a decision you made based on a reason, therefore, it was not a choice but a decision”.  “Let’s try that again”. “Vanilla or Chocolate, choose”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because I don’t like chocolate”

Course Leader: “Got it, and that too was a decision you made based on a reason is not a choice but a decision”. “Let’s try that again.” Vanilla or Chocolate, choose.”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose vanilla?”

Volunteer: “Because vanilla tastes better!”

The volunteer was getting quite upset with this conversation, in her mind, she WAS choosing vanilla but apparently, she was making decisions, not a choice according to the Course Leader.  She was thinking she was never going to get it right. The Course Leader assured her that she was so close to getting it and encouraged her to try again.

Course Leader: “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose”

Volunteer: “I choose Vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose Vanilla?”

The exasperated volunteer said: “Because I choose vanilla!!!”

Course Leader: “Yes!  Now that is a choice!

It’s subtle and significant at the same time, the difference is, a decision is made based on and because of your reasons and a choice is made after considerating your reasons. Can you see the difference?  If not keep looking, this will make sense I promise!

What difference does this make in our lives?  When we use reasons to justify our actions we are not committed to our decisions because those reasons can change (it happens a lot), we are left questioning our decisions and feeling lost.  When we take our reasons into consideration then we are free to make our choice and be committed to something that becomes everything.  For example, the athlete that trains tirelessly for hours, days, months and years does so because they are committed to mastering a skill and achieving a level of excellence important to them.  If it was a decision to exercise they would likely quit after the first experience of body fatigue.  As a choice, they push through the difficulties no matter what.

One does not decide to be a performing artist ~ one is a performing artist.

One does not decide to be happy ~ one is happy.

Choice ~ Choose

There is a significant difference between decision and choice.  What is the relevance of this to being responsible for your life experiences?  Choosing to acknowledge and being responsible for what you have in life is your freedom to choose how you deal with things no matter what comes your way.  Acknowledging is not the same as being resigned to and this is where most people get stuck.  Do you choose to have cancer?  No, you choose to acknowledge that you have cancer and live your life dealing with it powerfully and purposefully. What that looks like for you is your choice.

Can you identify in your life where you have decided rather than chosen?  It’s can be challenging to see the difference between the two and I invite you to join me in this conversation on Facebook.  I have started a private group page to allow conversations like this to happen within a safe environment.  If you would like to join us please use the contact form below to send me your request or go on Facebook ask to join C3Now and choose to be in the conversation!

Imagine what your life would look like if you lived it by choice? Think about it.

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BC business Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self-discovery Sunshine Coast BC transformation

Permission to Take Time… again!


I originally wrote this piece back in 2014, updated it again in 2015, and re-read it recently only to find that I’m not following my own advice here!  I am hearing myself say “I don’t have time for (you name it I’ve said it).  My first reaction was to start chastising myself for not practicing what I preach and then it occurred to me that perhaps there was a better way to bring this back into my daily awareness!  When I look back I can see there were times I put this into practice and what my process was to do that.  Looking closer at that process I started to see the steps I took to shift my way of being and get back on track with what’s important to me.

What is important to me?

To live my life every day with joy, to love my friends and family unconditionally, and to work with passion and purpose making a difference for others.  

cropped-freedom1.jpg

I can see that I am not always in alignment with these words and I need a reset moment to get me back on track!  A reset moment?  What does that look like?  It’s a moment where I take a time out, step back to have a better overall view of where I am right now, review my priorities, make changes as needed and get back into the game with an action plan in hand!   This is not a one-time-only exercise and realizing this fact has made it possible for me to get back on track faster and stay longer.

What would you change in your life if you had a transformational reset moment when you felt off track?  Perhaps some of these examples are areas for a reset in your life:

reconnect  with people in your life you have lost touch with

refocus your attention at work or home to bring back the pleasure in those areas

reset your goals in life because the path you are on isn’t working for you

rejuvenate your appreciation for who you are in the world (this may also be a new awareness for you)
restart your passion for living, just like when you were a child, remember those days?
re-activate your love for your job, if you didn’t have this in the beginning then a reset is mandatory!
rediscover the pleasures of life because life is meant to be enjoyed and lived fully!
I am now in the process of creating the process of a reset moment and my goal is to have something tangible that I can share with others who find themselves in the same place.  If you feel that you are not on track with what’s important to you and you want the opportunity to reset, you will want to stay connected with me in this conversation.  Use the comment space below or subscribe to my blog to stay in this conversation.
ptbs-logo1.jpg
Here is the original post I wrote back in 2014, I would love to hear your comments about this or anything in this post that resonates with you.

It sounds funny to ask for permission to take time and that’s exactly what you must do when you are creating moments in your life.  We have all said, at some point in our lives, “I can’t afford to take the time” and “I should be doing something else, not wasting time doing this”.   We often do not give ourselves permission to be in the moment doing things that we like to do and it is impossible to be in the moment without it. 

I started this conversation talking about creating time and being in the moment.  This post is part of that conversation because giving yourself permission to use your newly created time is a key element along with being in the moment and commitment to clarity. Giving yourself permission takes awareness and practice AND, so I have discovered, it is quite rewarding when you do.  What kind of rewards can you expect?  It varies, from tangible rewards like lovely gifts and intangible rewards like kind and thoughtful words shared by others.

Often we use one of many excuses as to why we don’t have time.

“I have too many things to do right now, I’ll do it later”

“If I stop now I’ll never catch up”

“I’ll have plenty of time to do (stuff) when I’m older (retired)”

Which one have do you use?  We typically make the mistake of thinking our time is not our own when actually, it is.  Yes, we have our commitments, responsibilities, expectations and it’s up to us to make time for these and what we want in life.   I know, I know, easier said than done, I agree and I still say it’s possible when you make a commitment to yourself to follow through with whatever it takes to make it happen.  It starts with…

Giving yourself permission to take the time AND believing that it is possible.

From this point on every step forward is a good one whether it’s a giant leap or a baby step.  The question is “what would you be doing right now if you had the time?”  Pick something and make a commitment to yourself to do it.  If you can’t do it right now, pick a day and time within the next 7 days to just do it!  Make it happen!  I would love to hear how it went for you and what your experience was if you are game to share.

tomorrow today yesterday

It’s your time, take it!

Lisa