Asking a man or a woman out on a date can be incredibly nerve-racking don’t you think? In the old days, you would see him/her across a crowded room and after a stiff drink you would walk over to him/her and say hello and the rest, they say, is history. Today, many people are using an online dating service to meet potential partners and although it’s easier to say hello, I believe it’s much harder to get her to say yes to a date! I know because I have been experimenting with online dating services to see what it’s like from a woman’s perspective. I can sum my experience up in one word. YIKES!
In my experience, I was inundated with winks, smiles, inquiries, hellos, and a few “howyadoin’s” and that was within the first half-hour of signing up! From there it just got more interesting, the invites were coming from every age group, both genders, and some very interesting prospects. I felt like I just landed in a bees nest and the swarm was on me! What amazed me was the response they gave me when I politely said “no thank you”, the rejection, even a thoughtful one, was more than they could handle and I could see why. It was through this experience that I truly understood what was happening for them and my inspiration for writing this blog.
Regarding my online dating experience, my first impression of the profiles I saw was, I was not interested in going out on a date with many of these people! Between the pics they posted and profiles they wrote, I was left feeling less than willing to find out how wonderful they were. It did leave me wondering if I would have given the profiler more attention if they chose different words and pics? Both are so important when you have less than 15 sec to make an impression!
We are being judged by our profiles!
If your profile looks or sounds unappealing your profile will be passed over. Your viewer is not going to look any further to find out more about you. You are online, using a dating service, to find connections, create relationships, and getting it right is not as hard as you think. Your words and pics can make a difference and will influence what happens next with your online dating experience.
I am a firm believer in finding love and connection is possible online! I believe there is someone for everyone in the world and portraying yourself authentically and with clarity will reach the heart of the person you’d like to connect with.
People appear to have this false sense of confidence when using online dating services and their confidence takes a serious beating when someone rejects their invitation. Rejection is exactly how it feels to someone who has low self-esteem or struggles with confidence. I know because there was a day I stood in their shoes. There was a time in my life where my low self-esteem and lack of confidence controlled my life and stopped me from having things in my life I wished for. I can relate to how these people felt when I said “no” to them. It’s because of this that I am able to work with people building their self-esteem and confidence and what allows me to make a difference in their lives. I changed my level of confidence and self-esteem through coaching and self-discovery and now I’m ready to help others do the same.
What does it take? The answer to this question is unique for all of us and comes from within. With some gentle guidance, I can help you discover yours. I am here to help you discover your answers, create a clear message based on your values, and portray yourself authentically through your online profile. When you get this right you will connect that special person and say “Yes, I’d love to meet you!”
I have been known to say “knowing doesn’t make a difference” when talking about what to do when making changes in my life. For example, I would say “I want to lose weight”, I know there are countless ways to lose weight and I’m not using any of them! It feels like every day that someone is sharing their weight loss method that worked for them and if I used it I would lose weight too! Yes, I believe this is true and knowing doesn’t make a difference!
I could lose weight (I don’t have any medical reasons why I can’t) and I choose not too. Why? Because there is something else at play here that lives deep within my sub-conscious that stops me and until I find it nothing will work. Anytime I feel blocked or held back in my life the culprit is a limiting belief I hold in my sub-conscious mind.
When you consider that we have thousands of thoughts coursing through our brains every minute and the challenging part is we are unaware of most of them. Is it possible that there are limiting beliefs among those thoughts that are mucking up our lives? As I read the “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton I have learned more about the existence of these beliefs and how they influence my actions and inactions.
Knowing this DOES make a difference!
Eureka, I have found a piece of life’s puzzle that was missing! Now I have what I need to change the list of beliefs I have been listening to most of my life, rewriting them in a way that empowers me. Is it possible to change the words in my belief statements and create new believable belief statements? Could it be this simple? The answer is YES and it’s highly effective when you go through the steps I am sharing here.
It starts with identifying the hidden belief statements by looking at your feelings and actions in a specific situation. For example, when I looked at my current financial situation I focussed on how I felt about it, how I viewed money, how I saw other people with money, how I handled money, etc. What emerged were very loud, very negative thoughts and feelings I had about money. Up till now, I wasn’t aware of most of those thoughts and feelings and for the few, I was aware of, I didn’t see them as controlling my life! This was a total eye-opener for me!
What is so cool is, I use this process in all areas of my life where I have felt stuck, stopped, and out of ways to change.
Here is the step by step process I went through:
I identified the limiting belief as I believed it to be (the negative statement I heard in my mind)
I reworded the old belief statement into a positive one using the following criteria: state in the first person (I), use present tense (now, not future), using positive language and keeping it short and finally, make it emotionally meaningful to me (resonating)
I effectively use these statements in meditation, emotional freedom technique and written form to remind myself that they are my truth.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? I can assure you it wasn’t and each time I go through this process I can honestly say it is so worth the discomfort of converting old into new! When I was writing my original belief statements I was taken back as the words I wrote would cause tears to well up in my eyes. The feelings were so raw and right there! I was literally writing and crying at the same time and struggling through the process. I had a flashback of specific moments in my life that were painful and confirmed why I believed these statements. I have to say I learn a few valuable lessons while going through this experience 1. the pain of living with these statements far outweighed the pain I was feeling at the moment and 2. I didn’t die going through this exercise.
I was challenged to reword these belief statements using the criteria. I found myself using words like I wish, I want, I will, none of which are present tense. I also found my statements were too long and when I read them, they sounded good but I wasn’t really connected to them. What’s really amazing to me is the completeness of all the work I went through in this process. Now, I can look at these statements and I no longer have any feelings about them. I have come back to this post on many occasions to test the process and when I read these statements it’s like they didn’t mean anything to me. I am so grateful for the tools I have learned and as new limiting beliefs expose themselves to me I put myself through this exercise with them too.
Here is a list of limiting beliefs I identified for myself, as you read this you may find yourself resonating with these particular beliefs too. Feel free to use them if you do.
Original belief: I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
New belief: I feel love and support from others like a warm blanket on a cold day
Original belief: I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
New belief: Every step I take changes my view of life
Original belief: I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
New belief: I recognize happy moments in my life every day, both big and small
Old belief: I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it, I am not where I want to be and I will never get there
New belief: I am exactly where I need to be and anywhere I want to go is reachable from here
When I read these words a smile has replaced the tears and the peacefulness I feel inside confirms the transformation for me. It takes little steps to transform your limiting beliefs and the promise of giant leaps is real. Yes, it does work and it can work for you too when you are ready. If you need help formulating your statements, feel free to contact me for help.
Trash talk happens. When it does, do you listen or put it in its place?
Are you aware of your “trash talk?” Not sure? I can tell you it comes from that little voice in your head that just said “what is she talking about? and I don’t hear voices in my head!” Yes, that little voice. If you have spent any time listening to that voice chances are you have heard a lot of trash talk. You are not alone in this experience and it’s an epidemic in our society. It is safe to say the source of our insecurities, lack of confidence and diminished view of self-worth is fuelled by trash talk and it’s time to take out the trash for good!
There is an imaginary muscle in our thoughts that, when exercised, can toss the trash when you use it, of course, and like any muscle regular exercise is needed. Staying toned is vital to keeping the trash at a manageable level and in check at all times. Two things that are important to understand, 1. you will never rid yourself of trash talk completely and 2. you CAN keep it at a minimum so it’s not running your life.
When it comes to any new exercise regime it’s vital to take note of where you are right now and to have a goal in mind that you are reaching for. What happens between those two points requires consistent practice through focus, commitment, and disciplined determination. I have a quote that I use as a tagline in my emails that says:
“discipline is simply choosing between what I want right now and what I want most”
I read it every time I send an email as a reminder of what I want most in my life. What quote are you using to remind yourself of what’s important to you? Find a quote that resonates with you and use it!
Now that you are aware of your trash talk, what kind of things are you hearing? Do you catch yourself agreeing with your little voice? Are you as horrible as your little voice says? What we say to ourselves is horrendous and what’s really amazing is we would never allow others to say these things to us so why do we allow ourselves? Think about it? If someone told you that you were a loser, you will never amount to anything in your life, you are not good enough or pretty enough or you certainly don’t deserve to be happy. You would likely give them a full fisted sandwich in the kisser! So why do we listen to the little voice?
There was a time in our history, billions of years ago that little voice came in handy, it was the voice of reason when human beings roamed the earth in search of food and shelter. It was every man (woman) for themselves and definitely, an animal eats animal world out there. Wait a minute! It sounds like nothing has changed in a billion years!!! Our little voice is a vital part of our survival in this world and unfortunately, it doesn’t know when to shut up and keep its opinions to itself. Kidding aside that little voice has saved your life at some point and for that, you can be grateful. The downside of having our little voice in our heads is when it goes into a negative mode and constantly bombards you with thoughts that are hurtful and damaging under the disguise of trying to keep you safe. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always pick the right things to keep you safe from and this is where you need to take charge.
Most people think that life happens to them, what they don’t realize is that we are capable of creating our lives. Not only capable but responsible! What is so magical at this point is when we take responsibility for the creation of our lives we also gain the power to create life any way that we want.
What do you want?
Do you have any idea of what you truly want in your life? Most of us say “yes” but stop and think about the question and most of you will be completely blank. I know because I have gone through this exercise myself and I go through it with my clients. I still haven’t met anyone who could clearly answer the question. Why not? Well, it all comes back to that pesky little voice and the trash it’s been sharing with us over the years. Nasty!
The bottom line is, manage the little voice, have it work for you rather than against you and you can have whatever your little heart desires.
“A great maturity opens in the human psyche when we accept that we can control
our impulses by conditioning our thoughts, and that we alone are responsible
for our emotions and reactions in life.”
Brendon Burchard ~ The Motivation Manifesto
A light bulb moment happened for me in early 2013 when I came to the realization that I was 100% responsible for how my life. Past. Present and FutureWow! The impact of that thought sent me into a dizzy spin as I recollected years of upset, suffering, heartaches, and disappointments I had experienced.
Accepting responsibility for my way of being during those times of chaos and upset was not an easy task and at the same time was very enlightening for me. In fact, I would say truly liberating as well! I realized that being responsible for my way of being also meant that I was in a position to choose how I wanted to experience life from that moment on.
I had the pleasure of getting this realization through a funny exercise called “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose. I observed the course leader (I was in a self-discovery course) working with a volunteer from the crowd on the subject of choosing vs. decision and it went something like this:
Course Leader: “I want you to choose an ice cream flavor, either vanilla or chocolate and tell me why you chose it”.
Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because it’s my favorite flavor”.
Course Leader: “Got it, and that was a decision you made based on a reason, therefore, it was not a choice but a decision”. “Let’s try that again”. “Vanilla or Chocolate, choose”
Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because I don’t like chocolate”
Course Leader: “Got it, and that too was a decision you made based on a reason is not a choice but a decision”. “Let’s try that again.” Vanilla or Chocolate, choose.”
Volunteer: “I choose vanilla.”
Course Leader: “Why did you choose vanilla?”
Volunteer: “Because vanilla tastes better!”
The volunteer was getting quite upset with this conversation, in her mind, she WAS choosing vanilla but apparently, she was making decisions, not a choice according to the Course Leader. She was thinking she was never going to get it right. The Course Leader assured her that she was so close to getting it and encouraged her to try again.
Course Leader: “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose”
Volunteer: “I choose Vanilla.”
Course Leader: “Why did you choose Vanilla?”
The exasperated volunteer said: “Because I choose vanilla!!!”
Course Leader: “Yes! Now that is a choice!
It’s subtle and significant at the same time, the difference is, a decision is made based on and because of your reasons and a choice is made after considerating your reasons. Can you see the difference? If not keep looking, this will make sense I promise!
What difference does this make in our lives? When we use reasons to justify our actions we are not committed to our decisions because those reasons can change (it happens a lot), we are left questioning our decisions and feeling lost. When we take our reasons into consideration then we are free to make our choice and be committed to something that becomes everything. For example, the athlete that trains tirelessly for hours, days, months and years does so because they are committed to mastering a skill and achieving a level of excellence important to them. If it was a decision to exercise they would likely quit after the first experience of body fatigue. As a choice, they push through the difficulties no matter what.
One does not decide to be a performing artist ~ one is a performing artist.
One does not decide to be happy ~ one is happy.
Choice ~ Choose
There is a significant difference between decision and choice. What is the relevance of this to being responsible for your life experiences? Choosing to acknowledge and being responsible for what you have in life is your freedom to choose how you deal with things no matter what comes your way. Acknowledging is not the same as being resigned to and this is where most people get stuck. Do you choose to have cancer? No, you choose to acknowledge that you have cancer and live your life dealing with it powerfully and purposefully. What that looks like for you is your choice.
Can you identify in your life where you have decided rather than chosen? It’s can be challenging to see the difference between the two and I invite you to join me in this conversation on Facebook. I have started a private group page to allow conversations like this to happen within a safe environment. If you would like to join us please use the contact form below to send me your request or go on Facebook ask to join C3Now and choose to be in the conversation!
Imagine what your life would look like if you lived it by choice? Think about it.
If you were truly free to choose your life and all that went into it, what would it look like for you? An interesting question, when asked conjures up quick images of fame, wealth, and a rock star’s lifestyle for most people. But, when you really look at this question and attempt to identify what you REALLY want those images typically disappear and a blank void fills your thoughts. At least this has been my experience in the past and I believe there are other people who have experienced the same.
Lately, I have become curious about this phenomenon and took the opportunity to explore why it happens and what to do about it. What I have discovered is that we have so many thoughts in our minds that they can be overwhelming. It’s the point of overwhelm that creates blank spots in our thoughts. Here is what I believe to be the most effective way to navigate through this. These are the steps I used to go through a process of clearly defining my dreams. Here are my answers to the question ~ if I were free to choose my life what would it look like.
Step 1 ~ identify what you want and fill each want with details as if they are right now. Get creative and journal the vivid details! Be sure to use in the now descriptions and words such as “I am” and “it is or has”. If you find yourself using future type language like “I wish, I want to, I will”, stop and rewrite the description in the present tense and continue the exercise
I choose comfort
Comfort for me includes a warm and welcoming home of my own. it has alternative power & heat, modern conveniences, and state of the art appliances & equipment to run it. it is a nice size around 1000-1500 sqft with two bedrooms/2 bathrooms, a bright kitchen/dining area, and a large living room for entertaining. Outside is wooded from the road to the house for privacy and the property opens up onto a lake filled with Rainbow Trout and Dolly Vardens (I love fishing!) I am living mortgage free and enjoying the company of many friends & family who come to visit.
I choose freedom
Freedom for me includes financial freedom where I’m free to enjoy holiday adventures everywhere in the world, anytime I choose to go. I enjoy the freedom to shower gifts on the people in my life that I love and care about. I enjoy the freedom to give to others as it moves me, having the freedom to give to others gives me so much pleasure!
I choose adventure
Adventure for me is having the ability to explore the world and discover the beauty within it. Adventure means I am forever learning new things and new ways of being that continue to surprise me with results I never thought possible.
I choose love
I love my friends and family and cherish the time we have together. For me, love means creating memories with my grandchildren and having their eyes light up when they see me. Love means having a partner who understands me as I understand him and we accept each other for who we are and who we are not. I feel loved by my children and hear their love every time we talk, I feel the warmth of their love every time we get together and I am a reflection of their love. To love without question or condition and always with support is the unconditional love for me.
I choose abundance
I love abundance the most! Abundance oozes into every crevice of my life and is visible every moment of the day from the smallest of details to the largest, beyond comprehension. I experience the abundance around me in nature, within the objects I touch like the smooth beach pebbles and the soft emerald green moss beneath my feet in the forest. I am grateful for having the ability to appreciate all the abundance through my ability to touch, taste, smell, hear, and see. I am truly blessed to be where I am in life and in the world.
This is step 1, being clear about what I have in my life, even before I have it! The more detail you add the clearer this will be for you and your ability to create with more success. Successful manifestation happens when you can see it, feel it, hear it, smell it, and finally taste it in that order!
On to step two…
Now that I have identified what I want in my life in step 1, step 2 is about breathing life into my wants and successfully manifesting results. In other words, taking actions to fulfill my vision. The creation of a vision board or boards depending on how many images I find for each category identified in step 1.
I am a visual person and being able to see images of my desires works for me. If you are more audio or kinetic you will want to find ways to hear or touch your vision board could be an audio recording of you speaking your vision or using 3D printing to create models of your vision. Choose what works for you and get started.
Back in the day, I used to cut pictures out of magazines and paste them onto poster board or into journals to create my vision boards.
Today I love using Pinterest to hold images of my vision and I also discovered Mind Movies! For those of us who like audio visual boards!
HEADS UP HERE! These sites can eat up hours of your time and to fully utilize them definitely allow yourself ample time to explore them. Be responsible! DO NOT go onto these sites before leaving for work or during work hours. If you do, you run the risk of becoming unemployed. I save these sites for Sunday morning, sit in bed with a coffee and my laptop. I am free to explore to my heart’s content without worry. Pick your time and day and give yourself permission to surf with abandonment!
Something to remember when creating vision boards is that they are always evolving just like my vision of what I want evolves so do my boards. This is where Pinterest works best for me! Feel free to check out my Pinterest page and perhaps find inspiration there for yourself. PTBestsolutions
I have recently started experimenting with something called “quantum jumping”, from what I understand is based on the beliefs of quantum physics and quantum mechanics. What these ‘quantums’ have in common is the belief in multiple universes or planes. Quantum jumping is a meditation, either led or self-directed, designed to put you into an alpha state of mind and ready to jump between universes encountering your doppelganger (identical you). What you do from that point is the interesting part. Here’s what I have experienced since I started the practice of QJing.
Quantum Jumping is an interesting experience that allows me to see myself differently and experience ‘what if’ scenarios. i.e. successful me, happy me, businesswoman me, explorer me, adventurous me, etc. you get the picture?
An example of a ‘what if’ scenario would be quantum jumping into a universe where I made a different decision in the past that completely changed my future.
While in the presence of my doppelganger I begin by quietly observing ‘her’ going about life and at some point I step into ‘her’ body, merging with her to become one with ‘her’. By doing this I get to experience the sensations she feels and take on her energy. When that’s complete I jump back to my universe taking with me my newly acquired energy and experience.
It’s taking a bit of getting used to and I have found quantum jumping to be a fun, interesting, and adventurous experience. One thing is for sure, each time I jump I find myself feeling refreshed, uplifted, energized, and ready to take on the world.
Now an intricate part of step 2, quantum jumping adds a layer to the process of having what I most want in my life. You can find out more about Quantum jumping with expert jumper Bert Goldman, he offers free online content and paid courses if you want to jump for yourself.
What’s step 3?
If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below! Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.
If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below! Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.
I originally wrote this piece back in 2014, updated it again in 2015, and re-read it recently only to find that I’m not following my own advice here! I am hearing myself say “I don’t have time for (you name it I’ve said it). My first reaction was to start chastising myself for not practicing what I preach and then it occurred to me that perhaps there was a better way to bring this back into my daily awareness! When I look back I can see there were times I put this into practice and what my process was to do that. Looking closer at that process I started to see the steps I took to shift my way of being and get back on track with what’s important to me.
What is important to me?
To live my life every day with joy, to love my friends and family unconditionally, and to work with passion and purpose making a difference for others.
I can see that I am not always in alignment with these words and I need a reset moment to get me back on track! A reset moment? What does that look like? It’s a moment where I take a time out, step back to have a better overall view of where I am right now, review my priorities, make changes as needed and get back into the game with an action plan in hand! This is not a one-time-only exercise and realizing this fact has made it possible for me to get back on track faster and stay longer.
What would you change in your life if you had a transformational reset moment when you felt off track? Perhaps some of these examples are areas for a reset in your life:
reconnect with people in your life you have lost touch with
refocus your attention at work or home to bring back the pleasure in those areas
reset your goals in life because the path you are on isn’t working for you
rejuvenate your appreciation for who you are in the world (this may also be a new awareness for you)
restart your passion for living, just like when you were a child, remember those days?
re-activate your love for your job, if you didn’t have this in the beginning then a reset is mandatory!
rediscover the pleasures of life because life is meant to be enjoyed and lived fully!
I am now in the process of creating the process of a reset moment and my goal is to have something tangible that I can share with others who find themselves in the same place. If you feel that you are not on track with what’s important to you and you want the opportunity to reset, you will want to stay connected with me in this conversation. Use the comment space below or subscribe to my blog to stay in this conversation.
Here is the original post I wrote back in 2014, I would love to hear your comments about this or anything in this post that resonates with you.
It sounds funny to ask for permission to take time and that’s exactly what you must do when you are creating moments in your life. We have all said, at some point in our lives, “I can’t afford to take the time” and “I should be doing something else, not wasting time doing this”. We often do not give ourselves permission to be in the moment doing things that we like to do and it is impossible to be in the moment without it.
I started this conversation talking about creating time and being in the moment. This post is part of that conversation because giving yourself permission to use your newly created time is a key element along with being in the moment and commitment to clarity. Giving yourself permission takes awareness and practice AND, so I have discovered, it is quite rewarding when you do. What kind of rewards can you expect? It varies, from tangible rewards like lovely gifts and intangible rewards like kind and thoughtful words shared by others.
Often we use one of many excuses as to why we don’t have time.
“I have too many things to do right now, I’ll do it later”
“If I stop now I’ll never catch up”
“I’ll have plenty of time to do (stuff) when I’m older (retired)”
Which one have do you use? We typically make the mistake of thinking our time is not our own when actually, it is. Yes, we have our commitments, responsibilities, expectations and it’s up to us to make time for these and what we want in life. I know, I know, easier said than done, I agree and I still say it’s possible when you make a commitment to yourself to follow through with whatever it takes to make it happen. It starts with…
Giving yourself permission to take the time AND believing that it is possible.
From this point on every step forward is a good one whether it’s a giant leap or a baby step. The question is “what would you be doing right now if you had the time?” Pick something and make a commitment to yourself to do it. If you can’t do it right now, pick a day and time within the next 7 days to just do it! Make it happen! I would love to hear how it went for you and what your experience was if you are game to share.