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Confidence coach Dating Scene Inspiring thoughts life journey Life-living Strategies self help self image strong women transformation

Did They Say “Not Ever?”


PTBS logo 500 pixalsAsking a man or a woman out on a date can be incredibly nerve-racking don’t you think?  In the old days, you would see him/her across a crowded room and after a stiff drink you would walk over to him/her and say hello and the rest, they say, is history.  Today, many people are using an online dating service to meet potential partners and although it’s easier to say hello, I believe it’s much harder to get her to say yes to a date!  I know because I have been experimenting with online dating services to see what it’s like from a woman’s perspective.  I can sum my experience up in one word.  YIKES!

In my experience, I was inundated with winks, smiles, inquiries, hellos, and a few “howyadoin’s” and that was within the first half-hour of signing up!  From there it just got more interesting, the invites were coming from every age group, both genders, and some very interesting prospects.   I felt like I just landed in a bees nest and the swarm was on me! What amazed me was the response they gave me when I politely said “no thank you”, the rejection, even a thoughtful one, was more than they could handle and I could see why. It was through this experience that I truly understood what was happening for them and my inspiration for writing this blog.

Regarding my online dating experience, my first impression of the profiles I saw was, I was not interested in going out on a date with many of these people!  Between the pics they posted and profiles they wrote, I was left feeling less than willing to find out how wonderful they were. It did leave me wondering if I would have given the profiler more attention if they chose different words and pics? Both are so important when you have less than 15 sec to make an impression!

We are being judged by our profiles!

If your profile looks or sounds unappealing your profile will be passed over. Your viewer is not going to look any further to find out more about you.  You are online, using a dating service, to find connections, create relationships, and getting it right is not as hard as you think. Your words and pics can make a difference and will influence what happens next with your online dating experience.

I am a firm believer in finding love and connection is possible online! I believe there is someone for everyone in the world and portraying yourself authentically and with clarity will reach the heart of the person you’d like to connect with.

People appear to have this false sense of confidence when using online dating services and their confidence takes a serious beating when someone rejects their invitation.  Rejection is exactly how it feels to someone who has low self-esteem or struggles with confidence.  I know because there was a day I stood in their shoes.  There was a time in my life where my low self-esteem and lack of confidence controlled my life and stopped me from having things in my life I wished for.  I can relate to how these people felt when I said “no” to them.  It’s because of this that I am able to work with people building their self-esteem and confidence and what allows me to make a difference in their lives.   I changed my level of confidence and self-esteem through coaching and self-discovery and now I’m ready to help others do the same.

What does it take?  The answer to this question is unique for all of us and comes from within.  With some gentle guidance, I can help you discover yours.  I am here to help you discover your answers, create a clear message based on your values, and portray yourself authentically through your online profile.  When you get this right you will connect that special person and say “Yes, I’d love to meet you!”

Finding Love in All the Right Places!
Personal Confidence Coach services provided by Lisa Johnston. Lisa has been providing guidance and support services for over 20 yrs to men and women across North America. Her services are non-medical in nature and based on personal life experience only.

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biology of beliefs Confidence coach Dr Bruce Lipton Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey Life-living Strategies self help self image self-discovery strong women transformation

Giant Leaps From Little Steps


I have been known to say “knowing doesn’t make a difference” when talking about what to do when making changes in my life.  For example, I would say “I want to lose weight”, I know there are countless ways to lose weight and I’m not using any of them!  It feels like every day that someone is sharing their weight loss method that worked for them and if I used it I would lose weight too!  Yes, I believe this is true and knowing doesn’t make a difference!

I could lose weight (I don’t have any medical reasons why I can’t) and I choose not too.  Why? Because there is something else at play here that lives deep within my sub-conscious that stops me and until I find it nothing will work. Anytime I feel blocked or held back in my life the culprit is a limiting belief I hold in my sub-conscious mind.

When you consider that we have thousands of thoughts coursing through our brains every minute and the challenging part is we are unaware of most of them. Is it possible that there are limiting beliefs among those thoughts that are mucking up our lives?  As I read the “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton I have learned more about the existence of these beliefs and how they influence my actions and inactions.

Knowing this DOES make a difference!

Eureka, I have found a piece of life’s puzzle that was missing!  Now I have what I need to change the list of beliefs I have been listening to most of my life, rewriting them in a way that empowers me.  Is it possible to change the words in my belief statements and create new believable belief statements?  Could it be this simple?  The answer is YES and it’s highly effective when you go through the steps I am sharing here.

It starts with identifying the hidden belief statements by looking at your feelings and actions in a specific situation.  For example, when I looked at my current financial situation I focussed on how I felt about it, how I viewed money, how I saw other people with money, how I handled money, etc.  What emerged were very loud, very negative thoughts and feelings I had about money. Up till now, I wasn’t aware of most of those thoughts and feelings and for the few, I was aware of, I didn’t see them as controlling my life!  This was a total eye-opener for me!

What is so cool is, I use this process in all areas of my life where I have felt stuck, stopped, and out of ways to change.

Here is the step by step process I went through:

  1. I identified the limiting belief as I believed it to be (the negative statement I heard in my mind)
  2. I reworded the old belief statement into a positive one using the following criteria: state in the first person (I), use present tense (now, not future), using positive language and keeping it short and finally, make it emotionally meaningful to me (resonating)
  3. I effectively use these statements in meditation, emotional freedom technique and written form to remind myself that they are my truth.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it?  I can assure you it wasn’t and each time I go through this process I can honestly say it is so worth the discomfort of converting old into new! When I was writing my original belief statements I was taken back as the words I wrote would cause tears to well up in my eyes. The feelings were so raw and right there! I was literally writing and crying at the same time and struggling through the process. I had a flashback of specific moments in my life that were painful and confirmed why I believed these statements.  I have to say I learn a few valuable lessons while going through this experience 1. the pain of living with these statements far outweighed the pain I was feeling at the moment and 2. I didn’t die going through this exercise.

I was challenged to reword these belief statements using the criteria.  I found myself using words like I wish, I want, I will, none of which are present tense.  I also found my statements were too long and when I read them, they sounded good but I wasn’t really connected to them.  What’s really amazing to me is the completeness of all the work I went through in this process. Now, I can look at these statements and I no longer have any feelings about them.  I have come back to this post on many occasions to test the process and when I read these statements it’s like they didn’t mean anything to me.  I am so grateful for the tools I have learned and as new limiting beliefs expose themselves to me I put myself through this exercise with them too.

Here is a list of limiting beliefs I identified for myself, as you read this you may find yourself resonating with these particular beliefs too.  Feel free to use them if you do.

  • Original belief: I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
  • New belief: I feel love and support from others like a warm blanket on a cold day
  • Original belief: I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
  • New belief: Every step I take changes my view of life
  • Original belief: I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
  • New belief: I recognize happy moments in my life every day, both big and small
  • Old belief: I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it,  I am not where I want to be and I will never get there
  • New belief: I am exactly where I need to be and anywhere I want to go is reachable from here

When I read these words a smile has replaced the tears and the peacefulness I feel inside confirms the transformation for me. It takes little steps to transform your limiting beliefs and the promise of giant leaps is real. Yes, it does work and it can work for you too when you are ready. If you need help formulating your statements, feel free to contact me for help.

What limiting beliefs hold you back in your life?

Categories
BC business Confidence coach Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts Sunshine Coast BC

Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose!


“A great maturity opens in the human psyche when we accept that we can control

our impulses by conditioning our thoughts, and that we alone are responsible

for our emotions and reactions in life.”

Brendon Burchard ~ The Motivation Manifesto


Accepting Responsibility

 A light bulb moment happened for me in early 2013 when I came to the realization that I was 100% responsible for how my life.  Past. Present and Future  Wow!  The impact of that thought sent me into a dizzy spin as I recollected years of upset, suffering, heartaches, and disappointments I had experienced.

Accepting responsibility for my way of being during those times of chaos and upset was not an easy task and at the same time was very enlightening for me.  In fact, I would say truly liberating as well!  I realized that being responsible for my way of being also meant that I was in a position to choose how I wanted to experience life from that moment on.

I had the pleasure of getting this realization through a funny exercise called “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose.  I observed the course leader (I was in a self-discovery course) working with a volunteer from the crowd on the subject of choosing vs. decision and it went something like this:

Course Leader: “I want you to choose an ice cream flavor, either vanilla or chocolate and tell me why you chose it”.

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because it’s my favorite flavor”.

Course Leader:  “Got it, and that was a decision you made based on a reason, therefore, it was not a choice but a decision”.  “Let’s try that again”. “Vanilla or Chocolate, choose”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because I don’t like chocolate”

Course Leader: “Got it, and that too was a decision you made based on a reason is not a choice but a decision”. “Let’s try that again.” Vanilla or Chocolate, choose.”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose vanilla?”

Volunteer: “Because vanilla tastes better!”

The volunteer was getting quite upset with this conversation, in her mind, she WAS choosing vanilla but apparently, she was making decisions, not a choice according to the Course Leader.  She was thinking she was never going to get it right. The Course Leader assured her that she was so close to getting it and encouraged her to try again.

Course Leader: “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose”

Volunteer: “I choose Vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose Vanilla?”

The exasperated volunteer said: “Because I choose vanilla!!!”

Course Leader: “Yes!  Now that is a choice!

It’s subtle and significant at the same time, the difference is, a decision is made based on and because of your reasons and a choice is made after considerating your reasons. Can you see the difference?  If not keep looking, this will make sense I promise!

What difference does this make in our lives?  When we use reasons to justify our actions we are not committed to our decisions because those reasons can change (it happens a lot), we are left questioning our decisions and feeling lost.  When we take our reasons into consideration then we are free to make our choice and be committed to something that becomes everything.  For example, the athlete that trains tirelessly for hours, days, months and years does so because they are committed to mastering a skill and achieving a level of excellence important to them.  If it was a decision to exercise they would likely quit after the first experience of body fatigue.  As a choice, they push through the difficulties no matter what.

One does not decide to be a performing artist ~ one is a performing artist.

One does not decide to be happy ~ one is happy.

Choice ~ Choose

There is a significant difference between decision and choice.  What is the relevance of this to being responsible for your life experiences?  Choosing to acknowledge and being responsible for what you have in life is your freedom to choose how you deal with things no matter what comes your way.  Acknowledging is not the same as being resigned to and this is where most people get stuck.  Do you choose to have cancer?  No, you choose to acknowledge that you have cancer and live your life dealing with it powerfully and purposefully. What that looks like for you is your choice.

Can you identify in your life where you have decided rather than chosen?  It’s can be challenging to see the difference between the two and I invite you to join me in this conversation on Facebook.  I have started a private group page to allow conversations like this to happen within a safe environment.  If you would like to join us please use the contact form below to send me your request or go on Facebook ask to join C3Now and choose to be in the conversation!

Imagine what your life would look like if you lived it by choice? Think about it.

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BC business Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self-discovery Sunshine Coast BC transformation

Permission to Take Time… again!


I originally wrote this piece back in 2014, updated it again in 2015, and re-read it recently only to find that I’m not following my own advice here!  I am hearing myself say “I don’t have time for (you name it I’ve said it).  My first reaction was to start chastising myself for not practicing what I preach and then it occurred to me that perhaps there was a better way to bring this back into my daily awareness!  When I look back I can see there were times I put this into practice and what my process was to do that.  Looking closer at that process I started to see the steps I took to shift my way of being and get back on track with what’s important to me.

What is important to me?

To live my life every day with joy, to love my friends and family unconditionally, and to work with passion and purpose making a difference for others.  

cropped-freedom1.jpg

I can see that I am not always in alignment with these words and I need a reset moment to get me back on track!  A reset moment?  What does that look like?  It’s a moment where I take a time out, step back to have a better overall view of where I am right now, review my priorities, make changes as needed and get back into the game with an action plan in hand!   This is not a one-time-only exercise and realizing this fact has made it possible for me to get back on track faster and stay longer.

What would you change in your life if you had a transformational reset moment when you felt off track?  Perhaps some of these examples are areas for a reset in your life:

reconnect  with people in your life you have lost touch with

refocus your attention at work or home to bring back the pleasure in those areas

reset your goals in life because the path you are on isn’t working for you

rejuvenate your appreciation for who you are in the world (this may also be a new awareness for you)
restart your passion for living, just like when you were a child, remember those days?
re-activate your love for your job, if you didn’t have this in the beginning then a reset is mandatory!
rediscover the pleasures of life because life is meant to be enjoyed and lived fully!
I am now in the process of creating the process of a reset moment and my goal is to have something tangible that I can share with others who find themselves in the same place.  If you feel that you are not on track with what’s important to you and you want the opportunity to reset, you will want to stay connected with me in this conversation.  Use the comment space below or subscribe to my blog to stay in this conversation.
ptbs-logo1.jpg
Here is the original post I wrote back in 2014, I would love to hear your comments about this or anything in this post that resonates with you.

It sounds funny to ask for permission to take time and that’s exactly what you must do when you are creating moments in your life.  We have all said, at some point in our lives, “I can’t afford to take the time” and “I should be doing something else, not wasting time doing this”.   We often do not give ourselves permission to be in the moment doing things that we like to do and it is impossible to be in the moment without it. 

I started this conversation talking about creating time and being in the moment.  This post is part of that conversation because giving yourself permission to use your newly created time is a key element along with being in the moment and commitment to clarity. Giving yourself permission takes awareness and practice AND, so I have discovered, it is quite rewarding when you do.  What kind of rewards can you expect?  It varies, from tangible rewards like lovely gifts and intangible rewards like kind and thoughtful words shared by others.

Often we use one of many excuses as to why we don’t have time.

“I have too many things to do right now, I’ll do it later”

“If I stop now I’ll never catch up”

“I’ll have plenty of time to do (stuff) when I’m older (retired)”

Which one have do you use?  We typically make the mistake of thinking our time is not our own when actually, it is.  Yes, we have our commitments, responsibilities, expectations and it’s up to us to make time for these and what we want in life.   I know, I know, easier said than done, I agree and I still say it’s possible when you make a commitment to yourself to follow through with whatever it takes to make it happen.  It starts with…

Giving yourself permission to take the time AND believing that it is possible.

From this point on every step forward is a good one whether it’s a giant leap or a baby step.  The question is “what would you be doing right now if you had the time?”  Pick something and make a commitment to yourself to do it.  If you can’t do it right now, pick a day and time within the next 7 days to just do it!  Make it happen!  I would love to hear how it went for you and what your experience was if you are game to share.

tomorrow today yesterday

It’s your time, take it!

Lisa

 

 

 

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BC business biology of beliefs Confidence coach Dr Bruce Lipton Entrepreneurial services epigenetics Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self help self image self-discovery strong women Sunshine Coast BC transformation

Return to Empowerment


Red Rover, red rover, come on over!  The image is a portrait of NASA’s Mars Rover, “Opportunity”  who has been roaming the surface of Mars since January 25, 2004. A man-made machine created to explore the surface of Mars in search of water or evidence of water for the purpose of supporting future generations of human beings. 

“Opportunity” has a number of features that are quite human-like, such as sight, taste, and touch.  It (genderless) can hear and carries out orders or commands of which it then relays to the team of NASA professionals back on Earth.  Once the information is received and translated into words and images, the team gets to experience life on Mars as it is right now!  As a human being, Opportunity is operating via its sub-conscious mind, carrying out tasks provided by its conscious mind (the human at the controls in NASA), and providing real-time experiences for us all to see (watch NASA videos here).  The scientific community has proven without a doubt that we, as humans, operate 95% from our sub-conscious mind (rover)  and only 5% from our conscious mind (spirit or command center).  What does this all mean?  That essentially many of us are going through life asleep at the wheel and it’s time to wake up and be the driver!

” We are spiritual beings having a human experience”

We are Earth Rovers and we have chosen to roam the Earth, experience life here, and report our experiences back to our spiritual being!  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

If you haven’t heard of these sciences: Epigenetics, Fractal Science, Quantum Physics, or Mechanics, you will be challenged to follow this conversation. Not only are these sciences challenging all that we have been led to believe for centuries, but they are also answering the age-old questions “where did we come from” and “why are we here” in ways that actually make sense.  You can find out more about Epigenetics from Dr. Bruce Lipton’s book “The Biology of Belief” where he introduces us to the ‘Rover’ concept of human beings. Consider for a moment, the possibility, that we are actually spirit beings in human bodies here on Earth to experience life?  What if this is true??? That would mean our bodies are nothing more than vehicles created for the purpose of collecting data (sight, touch, hear, taste) and reporting back to our spirit where ever it may be in the universe?  I know what you are thinking, she is completely off her rocker with this!  Am I really?  Humor me for a few minutes more…

If this is true then life just got a whole lot more exciting!  As a spiritual being roving the Earth I am free to choose my experiences! If I don’t like what I’m experiencing now then it’s my choice to change it!  Okay, this isn’t a new idea, it’s been talked about for many years. I have been aware of this since 2012 and it seems that knowing this hasn’t made a difference. (as revealed in previous posts)  You know what they say, “Life is in the journey!”.

Consider that what stands between (me) you and (my) your life desires is not:

  • other people
  • money
  • time
  • abilities
  • location

It may appear that these are the barriers and I assure you, they are not. No, the real barrier is (my) your perception or belief of those things, and (I) you are in a position to change these anytime you want.

 “We are all living in cages with the door wide open” George Lucas
 The question is why?  If we are free to leave our caged lives why don’t we flee?  From what I’ve learned so far, the answer is because we didn’t know we could, we didn’t know how and for some of us, what we have done in the past didn’t work so we gave up.   Until now.
Now, we have knowledge (new science discoveries), new techniques & tools, and new awareness. It’s time to break through the barriers that have held us back for so many years.
While on my life journey I have discovered the most effective tool to date called “Psych-K” and now I have the ability to assist others looking to reform their limiting beliefs or perceptions. In other words, get out of our cages an on to living our life’s wishes and desires.  Sounds too good to be true?  Nope, just changing the perception of what’s possible.
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BC business biology of beliefs Confidence coach Entrepreneurial services Inspirational women Inspiring thoughts life journey self help self image self-discovery strong women Sunshine Coast BC transformation women's issues

The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There are the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts, and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here, and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine, or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgment, without emotion, and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s only their perspective.  Your ‘way of being’ attracts “types” of people into your life, these people are the mirror of your way of being, do you like what you see?  If you don’t then it’s time to have a closer look at who you are in the world.

Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not suggesting that you look to others to define who you are and how you should be, I am suggesting that you pay attention to how others respond/react to you for clues when you are frustrated or unhappy in your life.  If you would like coaching to explore this topic for yourself, feel free to contact me for options.