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Oh my goodness, it is true…!


It is true! After many years of feeling “broken” and looking for ways to “fix” my life, I have finally found a piece of the puzzle that was missing for me in my quest to “fix” what I thought was wrong.  It turns out there is nothing wrong, nothing to fix and I’m not broken. I just need to adjust my perspective on life.

My studies regarding perspective or limiting beliefs (Biology of Beliefs written by Dr Bruce Lipton goes into great detail on this subject) has given me a new understanding of my habitual ways of being and how to change those habits that no longer work for me.  The exploration of the limiting beliefs that had me going through life repeating scenarios (have you ever said: “Damn it, I have been here before!” a reoccurring statement for me) is very revealing and enlightening at the same time.  The following is my understanding of where my beliefs were formed and the reformation of those beliefs from limiting to empowering using a technique called Psych-K.

Being Invisible

Limiting Belief #1 – “I am invisible” (a derivative of I’m not worthy)

Empowering Belief #1 – “I am seen for who I am today”

It hasn’t always been this way, looking back on my life I realize I had no idea that I was invisible. I was (still am) an outgoing adult, I am very social, an active volunteer in my community, someone others come to share their challenges in life.  People see me as a mother, wife, an entrepreneurial woman in the community but mostly, people have trouble recalling my name or they called me by some other name.  I wouldn’t correct them because I didn’t want to embarrass them and really it wasn’t a big deal, or so I thought at the time.  I recently became aware of how most things in my life are “no big deal” and I’m now realizing how that way of being, throughout life, was a significant indication of my invisibleness.

I was five years old when I became invisible, my story is not unlike many children of my age and I suspect there are many people wandering through their lives unaware that they are invisible just like I had.  What happened was my parent separated and the one person who saw me, my dad, left our family.  At the tender age of five I had been abandoned, my world, as I knew it, collapsed and I became invisible in my family.  No-one knew and the worst part is, because I wasn’t aware, I was to spend the next 50 years of my life living as an invisible person.

How could this happen and what was my evidence to support this thought?  First of all, let me clarify that I had not been abandoned as a child in the way we see abandonment.  Yes, my parents separated and for a very short time, I did see my dad on occasion.  I lived with my mother and five brothers until the age of seven when my mother remarried and introduced me to three more brothers and one sister.  My mother loved me and my stepfather did all that he could to provide for what we needed.  I had all my basic needs covered including a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my stomach.  I wasn’t a deprived child but I was a lonely child and I was a lost child in the group.  You can imagine how difficult it would have been to stand out in a family of 12.  Imagine how difficult it would have been to be the parents of 10 kids?  When you live life day to day in survival mode you can imagine that love and nurture were not part of our daily routine.  I don’t tell you this to gain your sympathy, I share this to give you insight into how I lived my life as an invisible child. being invisible

Don’t get me wrong I love my family and I know my family loves me because to this day I know if I was in need they would be there for me in a heartbeat.  What was missing in my life was the day to day show of affection and unconditional love that we all want in our lives and the result of what was missing in my life was more evidence of me being invisible.

 

I had plenty of evidence as a teenager but then, that is the time in our lives that I think most of us want to disappear.  Being invisible as a teenager worked for me.  As a teenager, I floated through life relatively unnoticed and without too many life-altering moments, in fact, I would say my teenage years were fairly uneventful and boring.  When I became a wife and mother I had many responsibilities and very little time to think about anything other than everyone else’s needs.  Like most Mothers, my time was not my own but consumed with daily tasks that made time pass very quickly.  Being invisible as a young mother was hard and welcomed at the same time.  It wasn’t until I wanted to follow my dreams, find my passion and purpose in life did this become a problem for me.  Every time I thought I found what I was looking for ‘something’ kept holding me back and I would go through many years of disappointment and frustration because I just couldn’t figure out what that ‘something’ was!

By using the Psych-K techniques I am reforming the beliefs I have habitually lived with all these years, quickly and effectively and creating the life I want now.

Lisa Johnston-Williams

Lisa Johnston has been experiencing life and exploring ways of being that gives new meaning to “Living life powerfully every day with passion and pleasure”. Her services are non-medical in nature and now include Psych-K techniques for life-changing results.

The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There are the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts, and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgment, without emotion and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s just a perspective.  Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

Here are 5 short questions, you can ask the people in your life, that will provide you with some insight as to how you occur in the world.  Before you ask these questions, let them know that their honesty is vital to the exercise and that you are ready to hear their responses.  No matter what their responses are you will not make them wrong for sharing.  They have to feel safe otherwise you will not get what you need from this exercise.  You may not like what you hear and you need to hear it if you want to make adjustments in your life.  When I did this exercise I can honestly say I did hear things I didn’t like,  I acknowledged their courage and I was grateful to the person for sharing.  Their honesty gave me what I needed to see where I was stuck in my life.  Before you finish with each question, ask them “is there anything else?” and continue to ask this question until they say no. This is an effective tool to stimulate more answers (if there are any). Be sure to document their responses, I guarantee you will forget all but a few by the time you are done with this exercise.

Who Am I Interview Questions

  1. From your perspective, what are my strongest character traits?
  2. What character traits do I have that challenge you?
  3. In your experience of me, what am I good at?
  4. How do you think other people see me?
  5. In your experience of me, what do you think I struggle with?

Who to ask?  I recommend that you choose a cross-section of people.  Some who know you well and others who are new in your life and don’t.  Friends and family members will be the safest and typically less forthcoming with ‘honest’ answers as they have the most to lose by telling you the truth.  You have to find a way to help them feel safe for sharing.  People you work with will give you a different perspective than the people you live with.  What you are looking for in these interviews are ways of being that you may not be aware and confirmation of what you already know.  The more interviews you do the more insight you will receive.  My last word of advice with this is to have fun with it!  Make it a fun game for both you and the people you interview, it will be more rewarding in the end.

Standing in the Space of Upset


One of the most challenging places to stand as a coach is in the space of upset.  In that moment, when there is a need to take an unpopular position to cause a breakthrough for a client, I run the risk of losing the client because of the stand.  Why, as a coach, would I put myself in that position?  Because I believe that significant growth comes out of our most difficult moments and my job is to cause movement in areas of my client’s lives where historically there has never been movement before.

iStock_000001237210XSmallWhen I’m standing in the space of upset it’s never without pre-thought around “will it make a difference?” and “am I prepared for the consequences of taking a strong stand?”  The answers to those questions are very clear for me before I take that stand.
“Will it make a difference?”  As I mentioned before I do believe we gain significant growth out of adverse situations and there are times when my clients don’t like me for what I have to say.   I have been told that being a coach is not a popularity contest and through my experiences I can say this is true.  I know being the coach they liked would make me feel great and it doesn’t serve my clients needs.  In order to be an effective coach it has to be about the client and I want to make a difference in lives of my clients.  As an effective coach clients get what they came for and comfortably share my services with others.
“Am I prepared for the consequences of taking a strong stand?”  The answer is always YES because I am determined to cause movement in the lives of my clients so they will have results they could only imagine as possible before they started working with me as their coach.  Otherwise why would they hire me?  There are plenty of self-help books, videos, webinars and seminars available with all the same information I share and lots of opportunity to do what needs to be done without my help so why would client’s hire me?  Because I understand what it’s like to stand in their shoes, I know what’s coming and I’m prepared to go to the end of the earth for my clients even if it means making them dislike me in the process.  I am a stand for my clients to finally have movement in areas of their lives where historically no movement has come before.
Thank goodness there is more to being a coach than taking difficult stands and thank goodness clients can count on me for having the skills to take those difficult stands.  I have spent many years watching a variety of coaches and pulled from each one, something of value to add to my skill set.  I believe they have all contributed to making me a better coach for others and for this I am grateful.
Lisa Johnston-Williams
Personal Lifestyle Coach services are provided by LD Williams. Times/dates/fees are arranged as per client’s needs and agreed upon before coaching services begin. LD Williams has been providing advice and coaching services for over 20 yrs to men and women across North America. Her services are non-medical in nature and based on her personal life experiences.

What is Step 3?


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Continuing on with the conversation If you were free ~ what would you choose?  here is what works for me and is the next  step in my process of choosing what I want in my life. Step 3 is about discovering who I am, finding clarity in who I choose to be and identifying the words that resonate powerfully with me.  If you haven’t seen steps 1&2 I recommend that you read them first so step 3 will make sense to you.

            Step one                        Step two

 Who am I REALLY?  One thing that was quite clear to me before I worked on this piece, I thought I knew who I was and then I discovered that I had no clue!  I discovered that the people in my world saw me  differently than I saw myself.  I discovered that those people in my life saw me differently from each other as well.  When asked they used words like: a bold and courageous woman, a loving mother, a woman with confidence,  trustworthy, a leader, fun, happy, giving, caring, loving and generous.  No-one used words like sad, lost, unreliable, afraid, not good enough, unhappy, a fraud, lousy mother, terrible friend, and selfish.  The latter were words I used to describe myself so you could imagine my surprise when the people in my world said differently.  How could this be?  First of all I have to admit I did see some of the qualities others saw in me but I didn’t believe them and those words didn’t fit with the ones I identified with so I dismissed them as real.

So when did this all shift for me?  Well it was in 2012, I was sitting in a weekend seminar with 185 strangers listening to the guy at the front of the room.  We were deep into the question “who am I?”  I was getting quite frustrated with the question, we had been asking it for two days and it appeared I was no closer to the answer than when we started two days earlier!  I listened to others in the room grappling with the question just like me and it was apparent that none of us knew who we were.  Then something happened on the third day that I will never forget.  The guy at the front of the room was talking about words and that without words we didn’t exist.  Really?  He went on to say that without language nothing in our world would exist.  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Then he did something that finally made sense to me.  He held up his index finger, pointing it towards the ceiling, I looked up and saw nothing. He asked people in the room to describe what they saw and there were answers like: a hand, finger pointing, the number one, this way up and he said, now describe what you see without using words.  The room was silent.  I got two things out of this exercise. 1. without words we can not describe what we see and 2. every person who offered a description were correct and they all saw something different in the same thing.  This was  the answer to how we can see things differently in each other and why different people see things differently.  It was also the opening I needed to answer the question who am I.  So who am I?  I am my word.

I am my word and I can be any word I choose to be  who am I?

How powerful is that???  I stood up and asked, the guy at the front of the room, “do you mean to say that I can be any word I choose to be?”  The answer was ~ YES!  In that moment I had the most incredible moving experience I have ever felt, it was like my whole world spun on it’s axis and opened up to a brand new world of possibilities.  I could be any word I wanted to be!  Once this settled into my brain it created a whole new way of being that to this day still effective and powerful when I choose it to be.  One of my favourite exercises is to start my day with the sentence “I am the possibility of ______. I fill in the blank with words like “being a bold leader”,  “generosity”, and my favourite, “being a magnet for yes”.  It’s incredible how often I hear the word “yes” when I use that one.  The point is words are very powerful and our world doesn’t exist without them so my advice to you is choose your words wisely and make them work for you not against you.

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

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ciao for now, 

lisa

 

 

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