Personal Touch Best Solutions

"When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this — you haven't."

Archive for the tag “women’s confidence”

The Woman in the Mirror


“Who is the woman in the mirror?”  I sometimes ask that question when I’m standing in front of a mirror and often the answer is “I don’t know”.  Maybe it’s because it’s part of transitioning through stages of my life or I’m in the process of reinventing myself (again) and it could also be that I’ve been focussing inward (looking at my life) for too long rather than outward (living my life).  This happens a lot when I’m in discovery mode rather than living mode.  It’s not a bad thing but it is something to be aware of and adjust when I spend too much time in that space.  There are times and places for both modes when I’m in the process of exploring who I am as a person.  For those of us going through the process of discovering who we are, it’s an important part of the process.

It seems that life is a series of opposites with examples everywhere we look.  There is the yin and yang, the positive and negative, the good and bad, the up and down, the here and there, now and then, back and forth, young and old, hot and cold, day and night, sunrise and sunset, the list goes on and on. It’s important to remember this when you are asking the question, “who am I?” Why is it important? Because we are many things and often we get stuck behind the image of who we think we are and it’s often the source of your limiting belief about yourself. One of my most limiting beliefs, in the past, was “Others won’t like me if they really knew me”.  This belief is quite common as I hear other women talk about being frauds and inauthentic.  The issue is, I have an idea of who I am based on traits, thoughts and actions and other people (from their perspective) do as well.  So who am I?  The answer is: I am the collective sum of all the perspectives including mine!

First of all, let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong here and exploring this topic can be fun and quite insightful!  In my experience, when I’m seeing myself as less than desirable or ugly or unlovable, I am spending too much time listening to my internal voice, the one connected to some limiting belief I haven’t eradicated yet. When I am listening to others I see a completely different woman and it has a huge effect on how I feel! Whose perspective should I trust to be true, mine or theirs?  As I have found out there is no clear answer to this question.  It’s important to understand who you are and you are free to create your own definition BUT (and a big but at that) if your day to day life experience includes struggle, hardship, anger (yours or others toward you) and you no longer want that in your life then it’s important to understand how others see you because, in their perspective, you will find views of you that you may not be aware of.  Your ways of being that are not in alignment with who you think you are.

How can you find out how you appear to others?  Well, just ask and listen to what they have to say.  Listen without judgement, without emotion and without making them wrong for sharing their perspective.  The safer you make this for them the more honest they will be with you.  You do have to accept what they share and understand it’s just a perspective.  Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  The main character, George, gets a do-over in his life when he becomes aware of who he is in the eyes of others and so do you if you want your life to be different!

Here are 5 short questions, you can ask the people in your life, that will provide you with some insight as to how you occur in the world.  Before you ask these questions, let them know that their honesty is vital to the exercise and that you are ready to hear their responses.  No matter what their responses are you will not make them wrong for sharing.  They have to feel safe otherwise you will not get what you need from this exercise.  You may not like what you hear and you need to hear it if you want to make adjustments in your life.  When I did this exercise I can honestly say I did hear things I didn’t like,  I acknowledged their courage and I was grateful to the person for sharing.  Their honesty gave me what I needed to see where I was stuck in my life.  Before you finish with each question, ask them “is there anything else?” and continue to ask this question until they say no. This is an effective tool to stimulate more answers (if there are any). Be sure to document their responses, I guarantee you will forget all but a few by the time you are done with this exercise.

Who Am I Interview Questions

  1. From your perspective, what are my strongest character traits?
  2. What character traits do I have that challenge you?
  3. In your experience of me, what am I good at?
  4. How do you think other people see me?
  5. In your experience of me, what do you think I struggle with?

Who to ask?  I recommend that you choose a cross-section of people.  Some who know you well and others who are new in your life and don’t.  Friends and family members will be the safest and typically less forthcoming with ‘honest’ answers as they have the most to lose by telling you the truth.  You have to find a way to help them feel safe for sharing.  People you work with will give you a different perspective than people you live with.  What you are looking for in these interviews are ways of being that you may not be aware and confirmation of what you already know.  The more interviews you do the more insight you will receive.  My last word of advice with this is to have fun with it!  Make it a fun game for both you and the people you interview, it will be more rewarding in the end.

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Time to Take Out the Trash


Look familiar?

photo credit to abundancetapestry.com

Trash talk happens.  When it does, do you listen or put it in it’s place?

Are you aware of your “trash talk?”  Not sure?  I can tell you it comes from that little voice in your head that just said “what is she talking about? and I don’t hear voices in my head!”  Yes, that little voice.  If you have spent anytime listening to that voice chances are you have hear a lot of trash talk.  You are not alone in this experience and it’s an epidemic in our society.  It is safe to say the source of our insecurities, lack of confidence and diminished view of self-worth is fuelled by trash talk and it’s time to take out the trash for good!

There is an imaginary muscle in our thoughts that, when exercised, can toss the trash when you use it, of course, and like any muscle regular exercise is needed.  Staying toned is vital to keeping the trash at a manageable level and in check at all times.  Two things that are important to understand, 1. you will never rid yourself of trash talk completely and 2. you CAN keep it at a minimum so it’s not running your life.

When it comes to any new exercise regime it’s vital to take note of where you are right now and to have a goal in mind that you are reaching for.  What happens between those two points requires consistent practice through focus, commitment and disciplined determination.  I have a quote that I use as a tagline in my emails that says:

“discipline is simply choosing between what I want right now and what I want most”

I read it every time I send an email as a reminder of what I want most in my life.  What quote are you using to remind yourself of what’s important to you?  If you don’t have one, find one that resonates with you and use it!

Now that you are aware of your trash talk, what kind of things are you hearing?  Do you catch yourself agreeing with your little voice?  Are you as horrible as your little voice says?  What we say to ourselves is horrendous and what’s really amazing is we would never allow others to say these things to us so why do we allow ourselves?  Think about it?  If someone told you that you were a loser, you will never amount to anything in your life, you are not good enough or pretty enough or you certainly don’t deserve to be happy.  You would likely give them a full fisted sandwich in the kisser!  So why do we listen to the little voice?

There was a time in our history, billions of years ago that little voice came in handy, it was the voice of reason when human beings roamed the earth in search of food and shelter.  It was every man (woman) for themselves and definitely animal eat animal world out there.  Wait a minute!  It sounds like nothing has changed in a billion years!!!  Our little voice is a vital part of our survival in this world and unfortunately it doesn’t know when to shut up and keep it’s opinions to itself. Kidding aside that little voice has saved your life at some point and for that you can be grateful.  The downside of having our little voice in our heads is when it goes into negative mode and constantly bombards you with thoughts that are hurtful and damaging and this is where you need to take charge.

Most people think that life happens to them, what they don’t realize is that we are capable of creating our lives.  Not only capable but responsible!  What is so magical at this point is when we take responsibility for the creation of our lives we also gain the power to create life anyway that we want.

What do you want?

Do you have any idea of what you truly want in your life?  Most of us say “yes” but stop and think about the question and most of you will be completely blank.  I know because I have gone through this exercise myself and I go through it with my clients. I still haven’t met anyone who could clearly answer the question.  Why not?  Well, it all comes back to that pesky little voice and the trash it’s been sharing with us over the years.  Nasty!

The bottom line is manage the little voice, have it work for you rather than against you and you can have what ever your little heart desires.

Yes, you can have it all

What is Step 3?


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Continuing on with the conversation If you were free ~ what would you choose?  here is what works for me and is the next  step in my process of choosing what I want in my life. Step 3 is about discovering who I am, finding clarity in who I choose to be and identifying the words that resonate powerfully with me.  If you haven’t seen steps 1&2 I recommend that you read them first so step 3 will make sense to you.

            Step one                        Step two

 Who am I REALLY?  One thing that was quite clear to me before I worked on this piece, I thought I knew who I was and then I discovered that I had no clue!  I discovered that the people in my world saw me  differently than I saw myself.  I discovered that those people in my life saw me differently from each other as well.  When asked they used words like: a bold and courageous woman, a loving mother, a woman with confidence,  trustworthy, a leader, fun, happy, giving, caring, loving and generous.  No-one used words like sad, lost, unreliable, afraid, not good enough, unhappy, a fraud, lousy mother, terrible friend, and selfish.  The latter were words I used to describe myself so you could imagine my surprise when the people in my world said differently.  How could this be?  First of all I have to admit I did see some of the qualities others saw in me but I didn’t believe them and those words didn’t fit with the ones I identified with so I dismissed them as real.

So when did this all shift for me?  Well it was in 2012, I was sitting in a weekend seminar with 185 strangers listening to the guy at the front of the room.  We were deep into the question “who am I?”  I was getting quite frustrated with the question, we had been asking it for two days and it appeared I was no closer to the answer than when we started two days earlier!  I listened to others in the room grappling with the question just like me and it was apparent that none of us knew who we were.  Then something happened on the third day that I will never forget.  The guy at the front of the room was talking about words and that without words we didn’t exist.  Really?  He went on to say that without language nothing in our world would exist.  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Then he did something that finally made sense to me.  He held up his index finger, pointing it towards the ceiling, I looked up and saw nothing. He asked people in the room to describe what they saw and there were answers like: a hand, finger pointing, the number one, this way up and he said, now describe what you see without using words.  The room was silent.  I got two things out of this exercise. 1. without words we can not describe what we see and 2. every person who offered a description were correct and they all saw something different in the same thing.  This was  the answer to how we can see things differently in each other and why different people see things differently.  It was also the opening I needed to answer the question who am I.  So who am I?  I am my word.

I am my word and I can be any word I choose to be  who am I?

How powerful is that???  I stood up and asked, the guy at the front of the room, “do you mean to say that I can be any word I choose to be?”  The answer was ~ YES!  In that moment I had the most incredible moving experience I have ever felt, it was like my whole world spun on it’s axis and opened up to a brand new world of possibilities.  I could be any word I wanted to be!  Once this settled into my brain it created a whole new way of being that to this day still effective and powerful when I choose it to be.  One of my favourite exercises is to start my day with the sentence “I am the possibility of ______. I fill in the blank with words like “being a bold leader”,  “generosity”, and my favourite, “being a magnet for yes”.  It’s incredible how often I hear the word “yes” when I use that one.  The point is words are very powerful and our world doesn’t exist without them so my advice to you is choose your words wisely and make them work for you not against you.

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

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ciao for now, 

lisa

 

 

If you were free ~ what would you choose? Step 2


If you were truly free to choose your life and all that went into it, what would it look like for you?  Interesting question, when asked conjures up quick images of fame, wealth and a rock star’s lifestyle for most people.  But, when you really look at this question and attempt to identify what you REALLY want those images typically disappear and a blank void fills your thoughts.  At least this has been my experience in the past and I believe there are other people who have experienced the same.

This blog post is about step 2 in the process of having what I truly want in my life.  Use this link to see step 1. 

Now that I have identified what I want in my life in step 1, step 2 is about breathing life into my wants and successfully manifesting results.  In other words taking actions to fulfill my vision.  The creation of vision board or boards depending on how many images I find for each category identified in step 1.

I am a visual person and being able to see images of my desires works for me.  If you are more audio or kinetic you will want to find ways to hear or touch your vision board could be an audio recording of you speaking your vision or using 3D printing to create models of your vision.  Choose what works for you and get started.

Back in the day I used to cut pictures out of magazines and paste them onto poster board or into journals to create my vision boards.  Today I love using Pinterest to hold images of my vision and

pintereststumbleupon I utilize Stumbleupon to find images when I don’t know where to begin.   HEADS UP HERE! Both of these sites can eat up hours of your time so allow yourself time to explore and appreciate them.  Be responsible!  DO NOT go onto these sites before leaving for work or during work hours.  If you do, you run the risk if becoming unemployed.   I save these sites for Sunday morning, sit in bed with a coffee and my laptop.  I am free to explore to my heart’s content without worry.  Pick your time and day and give yourself permission to surf with abandonment!

Something to remember when creating vision boards is that they are always evolving just like my vision of what I want evolves so do my boards.  This is where Pinterest works best for me! Feel free to check out my pinterest page and perhaps find inspiration there for yourself.  PTBestsolutions

I have recently started experimenting with something called “quantum jumping”, from what I understand is based on the beliefs of quantum physics and quantum mechanics.  What these ‘quantums’ have in common is the believe in multiple universes or planes.  Quantum jumping is a meditation, either led or self-directed, designed to put you into an alpha state of mind and ready to jump between universes encountering your doppleganger (identical you). What you do from that point is the interesting part.  Here’s what I have experienced since I started the practice of QJing.

  • Quantum Jumping is an interesting experience that allows me to see myself differently and experience ‘what if’ scenarios. i.e. successful me, happy me, business woman me, explorer me, adventurous me, etc. you get the picture?
  • An example of a ‘what if’ scenario would be quantum jumping into a universe where I made a different decision in the past that completely changed my future.
  • While in the presence of my doppleganger I begin by quietly observing ‘her’ going about life and at some point I step into ‘her’ body, merging with her to become one with ‘her’.  By doing this I get to experience the sensations she feels and take on her energy.  When that’s complete I jump back to my universe taking with me my newly acquired energy and experience.
  • It’s taking a bit of getting used to and I have found quantum jumping to be a fun, interesting, and an adventurous experience.  One thing is for sure, each time I jump I find myself feeling refreshed, uplifted, energized and ready to take on the world.

Now an intricate part of step 2, quantum jumping adds a layer to the process of having what I most want in my life.  You can find out more about Quantum jumping with expert jumper Bert Goldman, he offers free online content and paid courses if you want to jump for yourself.

What’s step 3?

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

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ciao for now,

lisa

 

If you were free ~ what would you choose?


If you were truly free to choose your life and all that went into it, what would it look like for you?  Interesting question, when asked conjures up quick images of fame, wealth and a rock star’s lifestyle for most people.  But, when you really look at this question and attempt to identify what you REALLY want those images typically disappear and a blank void fills your thoughts.  At least this has been my experience in the past and I believe there are other people who have experienced the same.

Lately I have become curious about this phenomena and took the opportunity to explore the why it happens and what to do about it.  What I have discovered is that we have so many thoughts in our minds that they can be overwhelming.  It’s the point of overwhelm that creates the blank spots in our thoughts.  Here is what I believe to be the most effective way to navigate through this. These are the steps I used to go through a process of clearly defining my dreams.  Here are my answers the question ~ if I were free to choose my life what would it look like.

Step 1 ~ identify what you want and fill each want with details as if they are right now.  Get creative and journal the vivid details! Be sure to use in the now descriptions and words such as “I am” and “it is or has”.  If you find yourself using future type language, stop and rewrite the description in present tense and continue the exercise

I choose comfort

Comfort for me includes a warm and welcoming home of my own. it has alternative power & heat, modern conveniences and state of the art appliances & equipment to run it.  it is a nice size around 15-1800 sqft with two bedrooms/2 bathrooms, a large kitchen/dining area, and games room for entertaining.  Outside is wooded from the road to the house for privacy and the property opens up onto a small pebbled beach.  I am living mortgage free and enjoying the company of many friends & family who come to visit.

I choose freedom

Freedom for me includes financial freedom where I’m free to enjoy holiday adventures anywhere I am able to go anywhere in the world, anytime I want. I enjoy the freedom to shower gifts on the people I love and care about, gifts that I purchased because I could. The freedom to give to others as it moves me. I love to shop and having the freedom to do so gives me so much pleasure!

I choose adventure

Adventure for me is having the ability to explore the world and discover the beauty within it.  Adventure means I am forever learning new things and new ways of being that continue to surprise me with results I never thought possible.

I choose love

Love for me means feeling love for others and feeling loved by others.  I love my friends and family and cherish the time we have together.  Love means creating memories with my grandchildren and having their eyes light up when they see me.  Love means having a partner who understands me as I understand him and we accept each other for who we are and who we are not.  To love without question or condition and always with support.

I choose abundance

I love abundance the most!  Abundance seeps into every crevice of my life and is visible every moment of the day from the smallest of details to the largest, beyond comprehension.  I experience the abundance around me in nature, within the objects I touch like the smooth beach pebbles and the soft emerald green moss beneath my feet in the forest.  I am grateful for having the ability to appreciate all the abundance through touch, taste, smell, sound and sight.  I truly am blessed to be where I am in life and in the world.

This is step 1, being clear about what I want in my life.  The more detail you add the clearer this will be for you and your ability to create more successful.  Successful manifestation happens when you can see it, feel it, hear it, smell it and finally taste it in that order!

On to step two…

If you would like notification of the following steps definitely add your name to the list by subscribing to my blog and if you feel so inclined, leave a comment below!  Thank you for being here now and giving life to my words through your eyes.

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ciao for now,

Lisa

Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose!


“A great maturity opens in the human psyche

when we accept that we can control

our impulses by conditioning our thoughts,

and that we alone are responsible

for our emotions and reactions in life.”

Brendon Burchard ~ The Motivation Manifesto


Accepting Responsibility

 A light bulb moment happened for me early 2013 when I came to the realization that I was 100% responsible for how my life.  Past. Present and Future  Wow!  The impact of that thought sent me into a dizzy spin as I recollected years of upset, suffering, heartaches and disappointments I had experienced.

Accepting responsibility for my way of being during those times of chaos and upset was not an easy task and at the same time was very enlightening for me.  In fact I would say liberating too!  I realized that being responsible for my way of being also meant that I was in a position to choose how I wanted to experience life from that moment on.

I had the pleasure of getting this realization through a funny exercise called “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose.  I observed the course leader (I was in a self-discovery course) working with a volunteer from the crowd on the subject of choosing vs. decision and it went something like this:

Course Leader: “I want you to choose an ice cream flavour, either vanilla or chocolate and tell me why you chose it”.

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because I love vanilla”.

Course Leader:  “Got it, and that was a decision you made based on a reason therefore it was not a choice but a decision”.  “Let’s try that again”. “Vanilla or Chocolate, choose”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla because I don’t like chocolate”

Course Leader: “Got it, and that too was a decision you made based on a reason is not a choice but a decision”. “Let’s try that again.” Vanilla or Chocolate, choose.”

Volunteer: “I choose vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose vanilla?”

Volunteer: “Because I just want vanilla!”

The volunteer was getting quite upset with this conversation, in her mind she WAS choosing vanilla but apparently she was making decisions not choices according to the Course Leader.  She was thinking she was never going to get it right. The Course Leader assured her that she was so close to choosing and encouraged her to try again.

Course Leader: “Vanilla ~ Chocolate ~ Choose”

Volunteer: “I choose Vanilla.”

Course Leader: “Why did you choose Vanilla?”

The exasperated volunteer said: “Because I choose vanilla!!!”

Course Leader: “Yes!  Now that is a choice!  You chose without having a reason and because of this you made a choice rather than a decision.”

What difference does this make in our lives?  As I understand it, the decisions we make in our lives are based on reason and as we all know reasons change and that change has a way of making us question if the decisions we made were right or wrong.  When it comes to choices they are driven by a commitment to something  that means a lot to us.  For example, the athlete that trains tirelessly for hours, days, months and years does so because they are committed to mastering a skill and achieving a level of excellence important to them.  If it was a decision to exercise they would likely quit after the first experience of body fatigue.  As a choice they push through the difficulties no matter what.

One does not decide to be a performing artist, one chooses to be one.

One does not decide to be a parent, one chooses to be one.

One does not decide to be happy, one chooses to be.

That is the significant difference between choice and decision.  What is the relevancy of this to being responsible for your life experiences?  Choosing to be responsible for your life is a commitment and gives you the opportunity to be the best you, no matter what comes your way.  Deciding to be responsible will have you dropping the ball every time it uncomfortable or hard. Sound familiar?

Can you identify in your life where you have chosen rather than decided?  It’s can be challenging to see the difference between the two and I invite you to join me in this conversation on FaceBook.  I have started a private group page to allow conversations like this to happen within a safe environment.  If you would like to join us please use the contact form below to send me your request.

Imagine what your life would look like if you lived it by choice? Think about it.

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