When does strength become a weakness? When you are seen by others as a strong person and you are feeling weak. How is this possible? If you’d ask me that question a couple of years ago I would have said there’s no reason to be in that position. With all the knowledge and tools available for us to use, this shouldn’t be. Man, was I wrong! I have to rewind the movie here to help you understand what I’m talking about.
Back to 2015 things look quite different to me. Imagine a woman standing on the top of a mountain, hair flowing in the wind, hands on her hips, standing in a warrior’s stance (feet firmly planted on the ground). This is the image in my mind when I think of a strong woman. No matter where she is the look on her face shows strong determination with a softness that speaks volumes of the love and kindness that she emanates. She is the perfect blend of fierce and focus, kindness and caring, overflowing with the abundance of love for all. She represents strong women of today in every cell of her being. As seen by others and by herself, a woman of the world with no worries, concerns or troubles she can’t handle with ease and grace. Authentically and sincerely, not a facade but real way of being.
She is me
Back then my world was exactly that! Everything seemed to come effortlessly to me, challenges were met with enthusiasm, the unknown embraced by curiosity and abundance of love and compassion for others overflowing with abandonment. I could do anything I set my mind too and nothing was impossible in my world!
I loved being me! It took a lot of listening, learning and practice to become the woman I saw myself to be, the woman others told me I was. They used words like strong, dynamic, a force to reckon with, determined, stoic, a rock, compassionate, caring, loving, focussed, these are the words other people used to describe me. So what happened and where is this woman today?
Fast forward to today, 2017, this woman sits in a pool of tears, daily, an empty shell of the woman she used to be. A woman who thought she had the answers to help others transform their worlds, sits alone wondering how did she get here? Wondering who is there for her at her moment of need? The answer is no-one because they don’t know she needs their help. She is suffering alone because she is hiding her true self from others. In her mind there are many reasons why she can’t ask for help, none of them are realistic and all of them are real to her. If she does ask for help she risks exposure for the fraud she feels she is. If she does ask for help she risks the loss of respect by others, because in her mind that’s exactly what would happen. What if she does ask for help and no-one comes to her aid? The last one is the most real for her based on her experience from the past. She has been let down so many times in her life. She is afraid to ask for fear of being let down, yet again. Her answer is to drive everyone away and try to fix things on her own. She is a strong woman after all, she should be able to fix this, right?
Here is exactly where strength becomes a weakness! She is spiraling out of control with her emotions, tears flowing each time she is left alone with her thoughts and the dreaded fear of being stuck here forever and all within the confines of her own personal hell. What makes it worse is she knows how to change her reality of the moment, lord knows she has preached it enough to others, so why does she keep herself stuck in this place? The answer lies in her sub-conscious mind and she hasn’t unlocked it. Yet.
Today my world feels exactly like this! This is just crazy to me, how devastated I feel right now, how hopeless I feel right now, how alone I feel. Right now! The struggle I feel, between what I am doing (not doing) and what I know to do to climb out of this place. I have been here many times before, with all that I have learned over the years, why I am I here again? Why am I still working through the same scenarios in my life? What do I have to do to change the outcome once and for all???
Where to begin???
I believe that I can change my reality and up until now, I didn’t know how. Two things had to happen – 1. I had to wake up and 2. I had to take back my power of self-management. This is the journey I am on right now and sharing with you as I go.
Where to Begin
The beginning for me starts with acknowledgment and acceptance. What am I feeling right now? I accept that, right at this moment, I feel alone and lost in my own head, frustrated and angry that I’m here, desperate and scared that it will never change. I accept these feelings as real for me right now and I am okay. Like the sun behind a cloud, the strong woman is still within me just hidden from my view at the moment. It’s important to begin here because it’s the goto thought that I will need throughout this process, particularly when things feel the darkest. Immediately I hear cliches firing in my brain!
There is a silver lining in every cloud
There’s light at the end of the tunnel
It’s always darkest before the dawn
You can do it!
The past doesn’t equal the future
Where there’s a will there’s a way
You know what I mean, I’m sure you have a list of your own. Humour me and write them down as you hear them and see how many show up for you.
Who do I reach out to? When I’m listening to reason, I know I have at least one friend who, if I were to ask, would be there for me. I do know this in my heart and despite my fear of rejection I will trust my heart on this one. Maybe I need professional help? I know that it’s out there, a comforting thought. Regardless whether or not I choose this option, there is nothing wrong with taking it as needed! Often there can be a stigma attached to “needing help” that may stop us from finding the support we seek. As part of the bigger picture, it is valuable to add professional support to bring continuity and success to the plan. What’s the plan? For me, it’s to bring the powerful woman that I am, back to the forefront and keep her there so she can assist others who want to regain their power too.
Identifying My Limiting Thoughts
Recently, I have been introduced to the understanding that our beliefs are the source of pain in our lives. I just finished reading “The Biology of Beliefs” by Dr. Bruce Lipton, among other things, he talks about the impact of limiting beliefs, at a cellular level, on our bodies. The results of his research are widely becoming accepted as real and challenging what we know about genetics, health, and evolution. He goes on to describe the mechanics of our cells and how our thoughts influence them. He opened up the world of Epigenetics to me and I find it intriguing! I’m thinking it’s part of this process of figuring out where to begin! What are my limiting beliefs and how do I identify them?
To start with it’s asking the question, “what do I believe?” and keep asking the question until no more answers appear. Like them or not, accept what comes up to acknowledge their existence.
My limiting beliefs:
- I believe that when I ask for help no-one will be there for me
- I believe that they won’t understand no matter how I explain it to them
- I believe that people don’t want to hear my problems they have enough of their own to deal with
- I believe that no matter what I do things will never change for me
- I believe that I’m not as good as I think I am
- I believe that happiness is possible I just don’t know what will make me happy
- I believe, despite multiple attempts to change it, I am not where I want to be and I will never get there
Looking at this list I can say these limiting beliefs have been with me most of my life and they rear their ugly heads periodically throughout my existence on Earth. “I’m not worthy” used to be on that list but I can honestly say I have successfully struck that one from the list, unlike many people who still struggle with that one in particular. The point of this exercise is to find the limiting beliefs that create havoc on my body and life and use the tools I have acquired to blow them out of my system! One of those tools I’m exploring is muscle testing. It would fall into the category of “woo woo” if it wasn’t so damn accurate! The practice of PSYCH-K created by Rob Williams (for those who know me, no, I’m not referring to my ex-husband LOL) was introduced to me via my friend Miss D and Dr. Bruce Lipton. My friend used a muscle testing technique on me for other limiting beliefs I was dealing with including “I’m not worthy”. It wasn’t until Dr. Lipton explained how it relates to my cells that I got the connection.
Now that I have identified these limiting beliefs it’s time to rewrite them into beliefs that work for me not against me. The process of doing this includes using the PSYCH-K system for each and every belief statement.
Try reading, The Magical Other” by James Hollis. It’s from a Jungian perspective and helped me tremendously when I most needed it.
Thank you for sharing Laura! Great idea to start a book list here, I know there are many powerful reads out there!